Life Lately

Currently I am riding on a conference high... I love the fact that I have reached a point in my life where I can honestly say, I love conference. I arrived here a while ago but I still remember when although I liked it... if I was truly honest with myself, I couldn't say that I loved it. I am amazed at the caliber of those men- and women. Today was a feast. Since living with Anya I have become a conference center snob. I have sat in the front section for at least 2 conference sessions for over 2 years because her dad gets tickets. I don't know if I would go to it if I wasn't in the front. I love watching the first presidency and 12. Elder Eyring was laughing and all smiles whenever the primary children were singing this afternoon. The spirit was strong in testifying of all they spoke- but there was one sentence in particular that is strong in my mind. I have carried a doubt and question in my mind for awhile now- but I have so many things I am throwing back and forth trying to figure out "this" has not been a priority. I've let it reside in the background and not spent too much time on it. As Elder Uchtdorf was speaking he said one sentence that was a direct word for word replication of my doubt with the answer attached. I was stunned and thought could that be? As clear as could be I had the thought "that line was for you, that was for you". I am in awe that the Lord knew my need (even more than I did) and he cared enough to teach me what I needed to know. Hopefully all the rest will come together soon.

What is all the rest? Only -what do I do with the rest of my life? Work is the biggest of my questions. I know I need a change- but what? I am coming to the conclusion that to be the caliber physical therapist I want to be and that I believe my patients deserve- I need to do a clinical residency. Which many programs require a DPT... That means more school- which means more debt. Which also means probably 2 years of work unless I can do the programs concurrently. Then there is the dance question. Where does dance fit into my life? And trust me, it needs to fit in. I did find a 4 month mentorship in NYC for training dance therapists... And then there is- is this to be my life work? I still believe I will be a mother and that is my highest calling in life. All potential mothers should gain as much training and education as possible... but is a post professional degree and program justifiable? Well, if it is the right thing then of course it is justifiable. But I don't know what the right thing is... I don't know what I really want. I am afraid my indecision will result in nothing happening. I will forever dread my long work days and commutes to give the best I can- which never feels enough. The life will continue to drain out of me. Then I will turn around one day and see a major portion of my life gone- wasted.

On that cheery note- lets move on. =) So guess who came into town last weekend? Eugene- to come see Amy!

I finally got a picture of him!

She was surprised- I wasn't... He's a great guy. Que Suerte! meeting him and Jonathan at the beach. Amy and Eugene played all weekend long. I joined them at Zanzibar Monday night for a few songs and then met up with them for a movie at Corrine's Sat night. Only time will tell what will be of this all...

Last Sunday I decided I needed to admit it was fall and go see the leaves in the canyon before it was too late and I regretted my unwillingness for summer to be over. I also was in need of a lift spiritually- what better place than the mountains? I am too frequently surprised at how uplifting nature is. I know it, but when I get out there and my heart swells with joy and excitement and I have a smile on where there is no one else around to witness it... I am again amazed.

Last thing of note- I've been stopped... I've had a pesky pulling feeling in my hamstring for a few weeks but I've been playing through not taking much notice or heed to it--- until a few days ago. It had been slowly getting worse but I have too much I need to do- dance, yoga, run, hike, work... Well, I managed to ignore it too long- now I can't even walk quickly without it grabbing on me. Not good... I had a few words with the Lord regarding it- a nice pleasant conversation I assure you. After my prayer that night I had another "clear thought". "If you don't stop, it won't heal!" Sometimes I worry too much about all that I need to be doing- resulting in a constant stream of doing. Stopping brings guilt (I especially hate the non-exercising guilt). I promise there is the part of me that understands balance. Although it may not appear that we. So I am at the Yin and the Yang again. In order for doing to be complete, there must be stopping. I became so caught up in the doing portion of my life the universe had to teach me the lesson of stopping. So I am stopped- this will take a good while to heal. Hopefully, I am wise enough to really stop- even allow some meditating- and pleasure reading- doesn't that sound fabulous. Obviously writing my blog is not accomplishing this, but... As a warning... Don't be surprised if my next blog is lamenting how my clothes do or do not fit...

In brief- Plans for my 30th birthday party are in place- I just hope people come. I broke out my boots for the first time this weekend signaling that summer really is over. Grateful for the rain today despite the cold front that came with it. Excited that I have been asked to dance for a small performance in January! Loved teaching the RS dance for enrichment this week. Ate at Faustina's for the first time last night and was in heaven- everyone was making fun of how giddy I was about it. Couldn't fix Micah's rib last night and was frustrated and felt like a pathetic PT. Listened to Cindy's boyfriend's band- love free live music. Wishing I had three more hours in today to once again... get it all done. I'll get better at that...