Saturday, December 26, 2009

IS

No pushing, forcing, creating, determining, or questioning... it
IS
Despite pushing, resisting, running, fearing, and questioning... it
IS
What are the odds? Against the odds!
IS
Miracles and continued miracles- it
IS
Unlikely and unexpected- no one and nothing could prepare me for
IS
W2L-SH

Friday, December 4, 2009

Teaching the Teacher

I am discovering the clearest revelation I receive typically comes when I am exercising. Whether I'm running, dancing, doing yoga... That is when God can communicate with me. Perhaps it is when I let go the most and am in the moment- open- Not lost in my agenda. I'm honestly not really sure what the connection is...I've just notice it exists.
Earlier this week I was at the South Davis Rec Center- a favorite workout stop for me, when I was given clarity and wisdom I needed/need. Finding the balance between free agency and divine guidance in decisions is difficult for me at times. Recently, I have been struggling with a decision and have felt way over my head with the knowledge that it is MY decision to make and my future is dependant upon what I choose. The weight of my world- present and future sitting squarely on my shoulders. I was stuck on the principle that it is my choice- my free agency. I was petrified--I felt it was just too big for me and I felt very alone. A blessing from my father helped but still I couldn't understand. How can something I know has to be my choice include divine assistance? I was still lone and carrying the full weight of it all. (I realize this is theology 101 to many- but being IN the moment and IN the situation I couldn't understand.) That is when God sent me a gem of personal revelation.
It came in an image and thought about my PT student. I am currently a clinical instructor for a physical therapy student. For no compensation- just the goodness of my heart =) I am training a future therapist in the "real world". The goal is to make him more or less independent with all the responsibilities I encounter everyday. Working in the shock trauma ICU carries a significant amount of intensity requiring a higher level of clinical reasoning and decision making than typical hospital floors. My student needs to become independent with all the decisions for this critically injured and critically ill population I work with. There are 2 things I don't do with my student. 1. I don't toss him into the lions den and say put your education to use and good luck. 2. I don't give him all the answers. Option one would be a disaster to the student and the patients (and my license) and option two would never enable my student to gain the independence he needs to become an accomplished therapist. I DO prompt, hint, ask leading questions, make suggestions, act as a sounding board (for all ideas good and bad), and steer him away from poor reasoning/directions. In the end he is led to the best/one of the best options but he did the leg work and ultimately made the decision. This is how he learns- and gains skills and independence in clinical reasoning. As his experience increases the amount of guidance decreases until ultimately all he needs is a nod of approval for his final decision/choices.
And there was my revelation. Using my own experiences in guiding someone, I was taught how God guides me. Yes, there are decisions for me to make- but he is not going to leave me alone to hope for the best- especially at most critical junctures.