Monday, April 13, 2009

Ugly

I had an interesting chat with a friend today. And by chat I mean IM chat. Clarifing that point is only important because it means I can quote word for word rather than relying on my unreliable memory something he said. What came before his comment isn't important, I just loved the simplicity and power in his words.

"Beating yourself up is pointless
Not believing in yourself is pointless
Worrying is pointless
Fear is pointless"

So if these points, for the sake of argument, are true- why in the world do we do them?

Apart from an interesting philosophical discussion (bringing up the quote above), today was just one of those days that was a little tougher than others. Not life shattering left in a heap tough. But still a day leaving me wishing I could fast forward through a few more to when I know that I will be over the ugly that befell me. And I ask myself- why am I writing this for everyone to read? I have no good answer for that- but perhaps my admitting that there are some really pretty days and some really ugly days helps others to accept their days, come what may. And somehow writing about it makes it seem not so bad. I admit in most ways I have a charmed life- one millions would yearn for and sometimes I have felt guilty for having a tough time when all my needs have always been met beyond measure. Today is one of those days. That is why this little quote by Virgina Pearce means so much to me.
"I am blessed, personally, beyond measure, and yet oddly enough, I, too, struggle to feel His (God's) love for me every day. When I stack my obstacles against others' they seem too frivolous to be authentic. And yet, this mortal existence is designed by a genius, so that we will all, no matter our circumstances or parentage or gifts, have to exercise our agency to come to Him. And so though my problems may seem small to an outsider, they are big enough for me to desperately need Him."
Liberating! That is the best word I have to describe how I felt after I read that. I don't need to compare my struggles to others to be validated in my burden. Somehow that piece of truth made all my cares seem a little lighter than before.
God's love is both big enough and small enough to care about all things in my life I just have to open my heart up enough to be willing to believe/feel it. I guess that sums up the "work" I need to do these next couple of days to rid myself of "the ugly". Ugly usually is a matter of perspective- once I can see this "development" with an open heart, trusting in God for the outcome and that he really does care- I believe it will be ugly no more.

1 comment:

John Walker said...

You are so brave... and that, in turn, makes me want to be brave.

Thank you Heather