Ah Ha

I had an Ah Ha moment today in church- I just love those. We were discussing the challenges the Saints faced during the beginning of the restoration of the gospel. So many of the stories from that time period are heart wrenching. As I was pondering their plight and their faith I kept thinking -I know that God is all powerful and able protect his people and prevent any or all of these tragedies. All the books of scripture are filled with miracles when God delivered and saved His people-truly He is able. But... He did not. I am sure He was standing near, watching, and even protecting more than we will ever know. But yet they suffered so! He surely knew something we do not. He had to know that everything would not only be okay- but be for the greatest good possible. The ah ha moment came when I applied that to my own life. A lesson I have learned before- but not quite so powerfully. God is capable of fixing all my woes right now- He is even standing so close that I might feel or hear His breath. But the fact that my trials continue on means that everything is okay. I am strong enough to endure and overcome- if not He will fill in the gap whether or not I'm aware of it- and it is for my greatest good. Am I making any sense? I can "rest" in my troubles because I know God is able to save and if He chooses not to then, no worries, because if it were necessary He would. This is when I feel like a good "Praise the Lord, Praise Jesus!" is needed.

Adios Stewart Rehab!

End of the road! It was surreal walking out of work today. I remember the days work felt like a prisonand I had a life sentance. With my chains taken off I was hesitant to take the steps of freedom laid before me. Is it okay, is this right? Am I really free? I truly will miss the people I have worked with that has always been the gem along with many of my patients. I have great memories. I truly felt the love my co-workers have for me and their sincerity in their faces including a few tears when they said I would be missed. It is a really good feeling to know you have been a positive influence and been a positive part of others lives. But any second guessing about my decision was answered in a single glance outside- white swirling snow in yet another Ogden blizzard I was about to drive home in. It was as if the heavens were sending its witness- a confirmation to get out and don't look back!

A few pictures of most of my co-workers and the roommate celebratory dinner at Sawadee! Dinner was the best part of the whole day. I was over the goodbyes and ready to rejoice! And how can I not have fun with my girls?! It had been a long time since we all went out together and it was sooo good!

Boyd Eastman, Heather McOmber, Marie Perkins, Tamika Hardy, Jason Loveless, Alan Keller, Cheryl Wheelwright, Rose, Tres Ferrin



JoAnn Ynsdyal, Heather McOmber, Tim Semideni

Jennifer Kimball, Heather McOmber

Heather McOmber, Jody Wong

Tamika is going to kill me for this picture! I snapped it while she was talking...

Do I deserve this? Yes, yes I do!!! I feel like I just got away with something great and I don't care if I get caught.

Emily had fun with my camera- the gong at Sawadee

Apparently Emily needed a picture of our empty rice bowl. Things are frequently empty when we eat at Sawadee.

Looky, looky- it's all of us! Except Emily felt a need to have a tomato grin so after a little chastisement we tried again =).

All of us take 2! Anya Bybee, Emily Utt, Heather McOmber, Kristin Yee

And tomorrow I am off to Southern Utah for some spring time camping! Complete with Indian carvings and family. All this goodness makes me feel like singing! (Dancing is just a given...)

Friends

where would we be without the gems in our life?
true gems are true people
ones that inspire you higher, holier, and happier

isolation is misery
the best investment we can make in life is in others
it is the first place to start to split the sky in two

thank you to all the gems in my life
each a different color, cut and carat- isn't that the best part!
all worth more than the whole earth

I am rich
I am rich because of others- who needs money?
it cannot buy any of the sources of true joy

my treasure chest is full
but because love is endless, infinite, there is limitless space
will you join us?

Splitting the Sky in Two

Renascence

(last lines)

Edna St. Vincent Millay

The world stands out on either side

No wider than the heart is wide;

Above the world is stretched the sky,-

No higher than the soul is high.

The heart can push the sea and land

Farther away

On either hand;

The soul can split the sky in two,

And let the face of God shine through.

But East and West will pinch the heart

That can not keep them pushed apart;

And he whose soul is flat-the sky

Will cave in on him by and by.

Ugly

I had an interesting chat with a friend today. And by chat I mean IM chat. Clarifing that point is only important because it means I can quote word for word rather than relying on my unreliable memory something he said. What came before his comment isn't important, I just loved the simplicity and power in his words.

"Beating yourself up is pointless
Not believing in yourself is pointless
Worrying is pointless
Fear is pointless"

So if these points, for the sake of argument, are true- why in the world do we do them?

Apart from an interesting philosophical discussion (bringing up the quote above), today was just one of those days that was a little tougher than others. Not life shattering left in a heap tough. But still a day leaving me wishing I could fast forward through a few more to when I know that I will be over the ugly that befell me. And I ask myself- why am I writing this for everyone to read? I have no good answer for that- but perhaps my admitting that there are some really pretty days and some really ugly days helps others to accept their days, come what may. And somehow writing about it makes it seem not so bad. I admit in most ways I have a charmed life- one millions would yearn for and sometimes I have felt guilty for having a tough time when all my needs have always been met beyond measure. Today is one of those days. That is why this little quote by Virgina Pearce means so much to me.
"I am blessed, personally, beyond measure, and yet oddly enough, I, too, struggle to feel His (God's) love for me every day. When I stack my obstacles against others' they seem too frivolous to be authentic. And yet, this mortal existence is designed by a genius, so that we will all, no matter our circumstances or parentage or gifts, have to exercise our agency to come to Him. And so though my problems may seem small to an outsider, they are big enough for me to desperately need Him."
Liberating! That is the best word I have to describe how I felt after I read that. I don't need to compare my struggles to others to be validated in my burden. Somehow that piece of truth made all my cares seem a little lighter than before.
God's love is both big enough and small enough to care about all things in my life I just have to open my heart up enough to be willing to believe/feel it. I guess that sums up the "work" I need to do these next couple of days to rid myself of "the ugly". Ugly usually is a matter of perspective- once I can see this "development" with an open heart, trusting in God for the outcome and that he really does care- I believe it will be ugly no more.

In the end all you have is your story...

Monday Musings

First of all I need to state- proud to be a Tar Heel! They dominated the whole game. With 2 minutes left in the game and a 16 point spread- I'm not biting my nails.
I was chatting with Amy Evans online about an upcoming date- she made a comment that I have to share- "hmmm... that thin line between honesty and weird." Inspired by my confliction between appreciating honesty and not appreciating, how ever disguised by joking, the hopes of a make-out session for a first date activity. Ahh, the life of a single- isn't it grand!
I spent Friday night with Dave, Anginette, and little miss Clara, and Sunday with Tim, Andrea and the kids. I love that I am so close to my brothers and their families. I love that I'm just as close with my sisters-laws. How did I get so lucky? On Sunday I asked Jacob if he was a crazy silly boy and he replied a resounding "YES!!!". It was great. Later that Sunday while I watched Tim and Heather Kenna they taught me a lesson. Heather Kenna astounds me, she is a red head in every sense. She was crawling toward Tim and stopped 2 or 3 feet away from him, sat down and started to howl. She had decided she had gone far enough, made enough of an effort and was done. Dad was just going to have to come to her. Tim held out his hand and waited patiently- he wasn't far and she was more than capable. But she refused- she had decided her efforts were enough and if Dad loved her he would finish it for her. I saw myself reflected in this scenario. But with my Heavenly Father. How many times have I decided that I have put forth enough effort and sit down and wait for him to do the rest when all I have to do is crawl a little farther and he will swing me up into his arms? Anyway- just a thought I wanted to capture before it was gone. I am crazy tired so "that's all folks!"

Snippets

I could do with a little more sun and a little less dreary weather...
Only one more "Thursday" left at work! (Thursday's are my least favorite work day)
I need to go grocery shopping!
Can I swing South Africa in 2 weeks? I might have to wait until later this year...
I am terrible at pool.
I'm really ready for a change in my perpetual single status... just putting it out there.
Another medial appointment tomorrow- maybe one day I will be able to eat bread and pasta again. Maybe one day I'll feel all better.
Excited to crawl into bed and sleep perchance to dream.
Hoping I'm up for 7 10hr shifts in a row.
Only 9 links left in my paper chain.
Doing better in my ballet class- there is such a thing as muscle memory.
TGIF (tomorrow)
General Conference!
Night all