Accomplished! Finished! Done!

I did it!! I finally finished Les Miserables. I made my goal of finishing before the new year. It took a year for me to read. But when you add into equation 1460 pages, my life, and Victor Hugo waxing eloquent on Waterloo, etc... A year isn't so bad. I had started it the summer previously, but certain life events came between me and the book. So, sometime in January of this year I resolved to finally read the full unabridged version of Les Miserables.

It is a great story! I didn't cry for Eponine or Gavroche- but Jean Valjean... if I wasn't in public I think the few tears that did escape my eyes may have been more of a downpour. Victor Hugo has amazing insights and thoughts. A lot to ponder. But... I would like to meet someone who thought every page was necessary. There were whole chapters at a time that were arduous and not necessary to the story. Not important. What is important is that I finished and am a better person because of it.

Quotations

I have had these quotes sitting on my desk waiting for me to record for too long! I don't even remember how long. So I am finally getting through the backlog of things to do and here is checking one of those things off my list. Hooray!!
These quotes were courtesy a RS retreat.

Love is a great beautifier.
- Louise May Alcott

Taking joy in living is a woman's best cosmetic.
- Rosalind Russell

Elegance does not consist of putting on a new dress.
- Coco Chanel

Blessed are they who see beautiful things in humble places where other people see nothing.
- Camille Pissaro

The best and most beautiful things in life cannot be seen, cannot be touched, but are felt in the heart.
- Helen Keller

Charm is the ability to make someone else think that you are both wonderful.
- Kathleen Winsor

A Christmas Pondering

Today was a good day, even an excellent day. Sundays have the potential to be the best days. Rejuvenating, recharging, and restful. But it isn't a physical rest. It took me a long time to understand the meaning of Sunday being a day of rest. It is not napping- although the rare Sabbaths that include a nap are marvelous. I don't have great words to describe the rest I'm referring to. As if I can set down the weight of living in the world with all its stress and cares for a day and remember what is really important.
After I finished church today, I had a smile on my face I couldn't hide away. I was filled with the true Christmas spirit and in awe of the miracle we celebrate each year. Fortified in faith to withstand the "Christmas eves" of my life because the fulfillment of the promise on Christmas day. What more glorious news can there be than the Savior was born and perfected his life so everyone has hope?! I went to Clara Rae's blessing this morning and during the Sacrament meeting a man who was in a puff powered wheelchair (controlled by puffing or sucking air from a tube- used when injury is so extensive a person is a quadriplegic) sang a beautiful Christmas song. It brought powerfully to mind how miraculous and personal the gifts of the Savior are. This man did not despair because he knew that one day he would be whole again. No matter our weakness, imperfection, injury, pain, or suffering, the healing has already been promised, prepared, and waiting. This has extra peace for me because I realized that even if I cannot help someone at work with all their physical suffering- in the end- it's okay because it is already taken care of. I don't have to carry the weight/responsibility to end their suffering. To me Christmas is hope.

Forever Ours

Today is a day I and many others have looked forward to for years. I remember watching the children being brought to the sealing rooms to be sealed to their parents longing for the day I would watch a child be brought, dressed in white, to my brother and sister-in-law. Well Clara Rae finally arrived and six months later... she is sealed to us forever! It was amazing to watch her- she watched closely and intently to the sealer as he performed the ordinance. The world was snowy white on the outside matching the beautiful white inside.





Together- always!



Mom and daughter- that smile was for me- I can always make her giggle.

Loves!

The second best part was the family that was gathered together to watch the sealing. I am grateful for celebrations that bring us together.

Snowy Perspective

Tonight I made a snow angel! Snow is a study in opposites for me- good and evil all in one! It is either very stressful- driving in it, late to work, being cold, ugly once tainted, or attempting to not die learning skiing/snowboarding (although it is fun to try). Or, it is calming, renewing, full of wonder, adventure and possibilities. Fresh fallen snow at night may be my favorite because the world looks different. Everything seems to glow softly and it is easier to see things with a different perspective. And a different perspective is very welcome these days.

My head has been full of sentence fragments, half paragraphs and many other piece meal thoughts these last few weeks. Trying to wrap my head around things I just don't understand. I am reminded that Moses and the house of Israel were wandering for 40 years and think how long they waited before that for Moses to even come! I have a little while yet before I can claim the Lord has abandoned me. I am brought back again to where I was many months ago- needing the sure anchor of hope. I wonder, why that principle is difficult for me? As much I wish it otherwise- hope is hard work for me and easily lost. True hope is achieved when the eternal perspective over rides the immediate earthly perspective. When trust and faith in the Lord is stronger than logic, cynicism, doubt, and/or fear. Poor decisions are made when hope fades. Some days I wonder if I am cut out for the refiners fire. Submitting cheerfully to the will of the Lord is not so hard on day 1- day 416 give or take a few- is not so easy. But I had a moment of remembering on Monday that helped. Standing in the corner, waiting my turn during my dance class on Monday night, I was pondering how amazing it was that I now have access to 4-5 dance classes every week and I only have to pay for one of them. Immediately I was brought back to the many times I had prayed for the opportunity to dance more- months and months ago. So long ago I had forgotten those prayers in the distance. (Although, to it make it perfect a few performing opportunities need to come about...) I had the overwhelming feeling of gratitude and realization that this was an answer to my prayer. A prayer that I had forgotten- but the Lord hadn't. I thought through the tiny miracles that had occurred step by step to bring about this miracle. And not only am I dancing for free- but I am working with the dancers as a therapist, which I am loving. This "remembering" brought a spark of hope. If the Lord heard and answered- after a bit of time- this prayer, then, it is quite possible my long standing unanswered plea (s) is being heard and will be answered in time. Remembering- that is another key to hope.
In the mean time- I am working on my resume this weekend to apply for a new job. I know nothing about it but I am intrigued- Huntsman Cancer Institute. No idea what they want a therapist for- the possibilities are wide- and that is what intrigues me- something different with a lot of possibility. And it is close! Cross your fingers!
In the mean time- I finished my last 5 day work week for one month! Hooray! The next two weeks I have Christmas Eve and day off, New Year's eve and day off. Then I leave the next week for Canada with the US Aerial ski team (I am really afraid of freezing to death up there- anyone have some really good warm winter gear they want to let me borrow?). I come home on a Monday so I only have 4 days that week to work.
In the mean time- I am working on my Sunday school lessons and loving the study. I've decided the weeks I'm not teaching to try out the other wards available to me (family ward/the "older" singles ward). I realized that it isn't strength to continue attending my ward- it is pride. I had thought attending another ward was weakness, "letting ___ get the upper hand". Until this week when I realized that that was pride and perhaps being meek admitting my limitations is the real strength I need. But with the craziness of my schedule this next month it will be mid January before I can do that.
In the mean time- I am excited to have my family over for dinner at my house Christmas day. I decided last year, no more of the old Christmas. I need to create my own traditions and not be the "single, tag along" any more (at least that is how I felt). I am 30 years old for crying out loud! I am excited to cook, prepare, decorate and give this Christmas. I am going to Midnight Mass on Christmas- anyone want to come. And I am spending Christmas morning, alone, at my house for the first time- and I am really looking forward to it.
In the mean time- I am grateful to always have enough. I am grateful for the friendship and companionship of my roommates. This is the third Christmas season we have spent together. They are family. They are a blessing in every way. I am grateful the Lord believes in me enough to challenge me. I am grateful for the gospel of Jesus Christ, I am grateful for the Book of Mormon and latter-day prophets and leaders. I am grateful for the Priesthood and worthy priesthood holders. I am grateful for knowledge. I am grateful for life!

Update

Drive home for Thanksgiving with the companionship of a good friend- 12 hours later and we still like each other- a whole weekend and another 12 hour drive- amazingly enough- we still like each other.
Turkey with all the trimmings
Redwoods, wineries, beaches, San Francisco- Chinatown, wharf, Ghiradelli, sun, blue sky, family...
Leaking tire leading to an unexpected expenditure of 2 new tires
Finishing the Twilight series and hating to admit- it is an entertaining story
Consulting with the dancers at Salt Lake Ballet conservatory
A ginormous purple bruise on my leg from choreographing a dance for the ward talent show tomorrow night. Worried that A) I'm not a good enough dancer, B) the dance isn't good enough or C) people will think I'm crazy because it is another tortured love story. (It's what I do best... always autobiographical- unfortunately)
Still struggling to find balance
Work is better because I was finally able to get my manager to agree to change my schedule. Starting and ending an hour earlier Tues and Thurs. No more home at 8pm.
Wondering if, with the low morgage rates and slowed market, should I buy a house?- the next 12 months would be the time...
Heather Kenna's first birthday- a family dinner- yeah, I really like my family.
Dying for more sleep...
Good Night!

Miracles

A couple of months ago I was called as a Sunday School teacher- gospel doctrine. I love it because I delve into the scriptures in a way I cannot seem to make time for without the responsibility. But I feel the weight of the responsibility heavily. We have so few hours to be enlightened, touched, and taught the things of the Lord that I believe the 45 min in Sunday school vital and precious. I hope and pray every time that I will be inspired and teach according to the needs of those who attend. One day my heart will stop pounding and my breathing will be even the hour before I teach. But I comforted by the knowledge that I have put all I can into it and He will make up for the rest.
Every lesson I pick out a theme or a principle that if they gain nothing else from my lesson, hopefully they got "that". Today's principle was miracles. We/I believe in a God of miracles. Honest to goodness- man could not ever on his own accord to produce- miracles. That nothing is impossible with God. The bible dictionary states: "Miracles are an important element in the work of Jesus Christ, being not only divine acts, but forming also a part of the divine teaching. Christianity is founded on the greatest of all miracles, the resurrection of our Lord. If that be admitted, other miracles cease to be improbable."
I believe this as a part of the gospel- but I had to ask myself do I really believe it- for myself- personally? Do I believe God will work miracles for me? The deciding element as whether or not this will happen is my faith- (and the will of God). So I need to know do I have the faith that God will work miracles for me. Then I realized that it would be a lie if I said that God has not already worked miracles in my life. They may not be grandiose- or how I "wanted"-- But I know they are there. Unfortunately, I feel myself wavering in the belief of future miracles. But, I am relieved and comforted that when it all boils down, the strongest, surest part of me says; yes, I believe. Because I believe- I won't give up- not yet. I can't see it, I can't understand it and at times I feel completely directionless. But nothing is impossible with God. I believe in a God of miracles!