The End of June

I can hardly believe that today is the last day of June and marks that the year is officially half over. Time for a check up. I opened up my notebook where I wrote down some of my new years resolutions. I entitled it "Joy for the New Year". That was my New Years Resolution- Joy. I wanted to live my life more actively. Not to feel that another year had passed with nothing to show for it. More planning and doing. Sitting here on June 30th I am surprised and amazed at where I stand. I am meeting my goal- but... in more ways than I planned. Looking back on my blog one can see I haven't been sitting around too much. No need to recap. AND, the best part is that so much more is coming this year! Going to see John Mayer and then Jack Johnson at Usana, hiking the canyons, the Shakespeare Festival in Cedar City, Costa Rica in Sept, camping in southern Utah and hiking the parks for my birthday- the big 30! And that just takes me to Oct. This list doesn't include bike rides, my professional level dance classes, yoga, books (which is a rare treat to find the time), and working in the yard- which by the way BB managed to lose the lawn mower, so, the front looks hideous. I taught a yoga class last Thursday and loved it. Wish I taught every week. I have met my goals of paying off my car, next week I will have lowered my student loan by a digit (to celebrate Emily suggested we drop something off the top window because I've dropped a number), and I've actually begun my food storage and emergency preparedness (which will be an on going project for a long time). All of which were additional goals set at the New Year. (Don't worry I have a few more to work on.)

I want to spend another moment on my goal for Joy. I have written before that Joy is the ultimate quest. Joy however, cannot be found by a lot of "doing"- even when that doing is a lot of fun. The more I do- the more I understand this truth. But, I admit, I still find myself trying to obtain joy by doing. As if I have to prove to myself and others I have a worthwhile life... because look, you can see it--- that is a psychoanalysis for later. I think Satan pushes this idea that joy comes from "doing" to keep us so occupied we don't have time to reflect and discover the truth. So where does joy come from? This answer is simultaneously simple and complex. The ultimate answer is Joy comes from fulfilling our purpose and mission on earth and becoming more like Christ. Currently, I am working to find balance between my "to do list" and spending my time in less obvious accomplishments- spiritual time. I have noticed- I find more true/ pure joy with my spiritual activities and gains. (So why is it so hard to spend more time with them?)


Continuing on my "check up", I admit there were a few months this year that were not so great. I could not seem to work through a "situation" I found myself in. By far, not the worst I've seen, but frustrating nonetheless. Joy, at times, seemed like an enigma. Until... I finally received the direction that made all the difference. I started to study about hope. I think I have flirted ruthlessly with hope in my life. I'd pick it up from time to time, but never made a commitment. I never bothered to discover and learn about it and therefore was unable to allow it to transform my life. Simply holding ultimate hope (Christ- atonement, eternities, covenants, God's promises...) has brought me so much light. Truly lifting a burden I have needlessly carried for too long. From this change, I have come much closer to my goal of "Joy for the New Year" than by anything else I have done.


A change of subject- as it is the last day of June I want to recognize a couple of birthday's. June 11th was my niece Jody's, 7th birthday! Love that girl dearly. The very next day was a dear friends birthday. I want to take a moment to honor him. Because life ebbs and flows- weaving a complicated pattern throughout our lives- occasionally the process requires a separation for the ultimate good. In March, I told a dear friend goodbye for what may possibly be the rest of our lives. Our current situations demanded it. June 12th was his birthday and I don't want to let June pass without wishing him a happy birthday. He doesn't know about my blog and will never know that I remembered. But here is a tribute to him anyway. He has been a great teacher and inspiration to me about how to live, what is and isn't important, and how to embody charity. He reminds me of a Hindu tradition: a old wise soul choosing to be reincarnated not because he needs it but because he wants to help others. Peace, calm, contentment, and happiness overflows affecting those around him. He has a spiritual gift of seeing people clearly and helping them to see themselves. He cherished me and never missed an opportunity to express his thanks. Don't get me wrong- he is human- with weaknesses of his own, but he stands apart from the crowd.

And so I am at the end of June. Grateful for the lessons learned, activities performed, and excited for what the future will bring!

Facebook Success Story

My first year of high school I had Mr Dewey 1st period for English. Amongst the more memorable parts of that class included the caked spittle that would form on both sides of his mouth growing larger and more discolored as the class proceeded- making it at times utterly impossible to look at him-, his hair magically changing from grey to dark brown at times throughout the year, and it is the class that I met Tyson Fok. Strangely enough I prefer the part of meeting Tyson. He was smart, cute, funny, and always living up life. (and driving the 4 or 5 blocks to school) We had various classes together throughout high school and I admit- throughout the years I always had some varying level of a crush for Tyson. Well, high school ended (as it hopefully does for all) and I flew the coup off to Utah, while good friends stayed in California. I think I saw Tyson once after I left for college. Throughout the years my thoughts occasionally strayed wondering what he was up to. 11-12 years later... the creation of facebook.

Tyson and I connected on facebook about 6 weeks ago. Perfect timing- he and his family just happened to be coming to Utah this summer. With all things said and done he ended up picking me up from the airport (because I was coming back from our old home town in Cali) and we played this last weekend. After 12 years he hasn't changed much- the same Tyson I remember just- better. And we had fun. Dinner, yoga, farmers market, Ani De Franco concert, and just talking were some of the highlights. It was a great weekend and I'm sad we live so far apart- he would be a great friend to play with more often.


Farmers Market Sushi
(FYI Tyson was a sushi chef in college to pay the bills)


One photo before we part ways...
Just a side note- I am wearing heels that are close to 4 inches and I think he still crouched down a bit for the photo- probably part of the reason he is a volleyball extraordinaire.

So thank you Facebook!! We couldn't have done it without you!

Quoteable

"Be yourself everyone else is taken"
Oscar Wilde

" Oh, divine unfathomable mystery of Destiny's compensations."
Victor Hugo, Les Mis

Home Sweet Home

There is nothing quite like going home for the soul. I am so grateful I have such a home to draw upon. Home means so many things- it is amazing how much one word can contain. And Home, with all it's meanings, is different for every person. While home, my mom and I were window shopping in a boutique. There was a wall hanging that read "To come home is to find yourself with those who put your heart at ease". I thought that summed it up perfectly. (Although sometimes it is a place as well.) I have written already about a piece of my sense of home- the air. There is so much more. Along the journey from the airport there are many milestones along the way which bring me home. A few include the Golden Gate Bridge, the Bay, rolling hills with oak trees, no billboards in Santa Rosa, wineries (everywhere), 1512 Owl Light Pl, fresh flowers cut from the yard in a vase by my bed (my mom is amazing), morning fog, and an evening breeze. I got off the bus at the Double Tree Inn in Rohnert Park and sat at the outside patio to wait for my mom to pick me up-- and what did I see?






Well- grapes of course. Plus- plants everywhere...



I never knew until I left that I came from one of the most beautiful places on earth. In all my traveling, I have found it hard to beat. Not that I don't love my parents- but I frequently ask them not to move. I said they at least have to wait until I 'm married... at the time I didn't realize that was the best way to guarantee them staying.


I started by visiting Dad at work. Lemo USA- not exactly his favorite. But how many people get to work in a building that looks like a space ship or R2D2?











The rest of my time there was doing as little as possible (for me). I slept in, ran, basked in the sun (resulting in a sunburn which is currently pealing), read, dined on the back deck (no longer "the" deck because my dad is currently building an additional deck off the side of the house- what can't my parents do?), and went to my favorite places (including Perry's Deli- where I left Mom waiting for me in the car while I watched the 18th hole of the US Open between Rocco and Tiger- and the Juice Shack).










Believe me- I quickly traded my pants and socks for shorts and flashy red toenails.


For father's day I baked a cake- it was one of my best. I really do like to bake- too bad baking doesn't produce the healthiest of products.




I think I ate at least half of that myself. Please appreciate the beautiful pottery- my dad has made all of those plates and bowels.




Monday we went to the beach. For me going to the beach is not as much the destination as the journey. Don't miss understand me- I love the sand between my toes- but if you were to drive Occidental road on your way out to the coast you would understand. I had my camera with me but I realized I could never capture the experience- it almost seemed like a crime to try. I chose to not miss it by looking behind a lens. Try to imagine- a two lane road winding the back roads weaving in between orchards, pastures, creeks, redwood trees, wildflowers and ferns, perfectly lined vines becoming heavy with grapes, bright blue sky, warm sun all leading to a rougher hillside with the wind bearing the unmistakable scent of the ocean. A quaint town with as much authenticity and character as anywhere you might find.




A bit of charm from Occidental



Just someone's backyard...


The Ocean is just to top it all off-


The sand felt so good- soft and warm against the cold ocean "breeze".



California Poppy


I spent some time remembering how much I enjoy playing the piano- wishing I was rich enough to buy one. I love things in life that I have no pressure to excel at- I can do it just because of the joy of it. I am finding myself more and more at peace with that concept. Life is just too short to be good at everything. Another activity along those lines is sewing. I admit it- I enjoy sewing (small easy tasks). Mom and I took up a project of sewing my own retro apron. It is the latest craze you know... It was fun. We took a couple "candid" photos.

I mean really- how much cuter can you get- especially considering we did it without a pattern. (We thought $15 for a pattern was a bit excessive.)

Before I knew it- it was time to get back on the Airport Express and head home. It was just barely long enough. Least I am remiss- I must mention a highlight always- going to church and seeing the faces I grew up with. I feel so much love from those that watched over and cared for me- teaching me the gospel by word and as living examples. They are truly sincere when they ask about my life and say how happy they are to see me.
Home reminds me of who I am. It is a place where I am good enough, smart enough and I don't have to prove anything. I came home because I needed to hit the reset button. There is no better place and I received exactly what I was looking for.

Antelope Island: AKA Photo Shoot

In honor of Erika's birthday a whole crew went off to frolic at Antelope Island. (3 weeks ago?) Ever since I house sat for my friends in Layton- off Antelope Island Exit- I have wanted to go. But like so many places and things in my life... I had never gotten around to it. I have been to Utah almost every year of my entire life and had never touched the Great Salt Lake. I thought that was unacceptable- right along with my having never been to the Southern Utah parks. This was my chance! But... I was in conflict. The girls had planned a movie party for that night- a showing of North and South (a great movie based on the book by Elizabeth Gaskel). I felt it was important to support them. After some gentle prodding however, I was convinced that in my heart I really wanted to be out in nature with friends checking a destination off my list. So instead of riding my bike home from the Stake BBQ to help with the party, I rode my bike home to be picked up by Quinn to join in on the adventure. I must say I do not regret the choice. It was a great time- aside from the bugs and seagull carcasses. Amongst the crowd there ended up being quite a few cameras- some of them fancier than others... Some of the best pictures came out of that night. Below is only a handful of those taken.






3 girls in Warrior II







We started by playing in the water... I managed a few amazing skips after a little coaching.


Then we moved on to a hike to make it to the ridge just in time for sunset.










Nate Cannon rocked the house with these two pictures. There are many more amazing pictures where these came from on his blog or facebook.







The sunset was spectacular. I was amazed at how the colors continued to contrastly deepen and brighten all at the same time.







Dallas Graham took the picture of me below that is truly one of the first pictures I think reflects me. I suppose that is why he is a professional photographer.




The night ended with a campfire.. I love campfires. Quinn expressed her undying devotion to hot dogs during the ride up -especially emphatic about hot dogs roasted over a campfire. I don't consider myself a hot dog fan but her enthusiasm convinced me to put it to the test. I must say, I cannot remember eating such a fine hot dog before.
As the guitar was being pulled out the Ranger showed up. It was decidedly dark by this time meaning we were supposed to have vacated the Island by then. Nate stepped up to the plate and went out to meet the Ranger before she got to us. I was dutifully impressed how Nate managed (with the help of his curls and dazzling smile I am sure) to win over the Ranger. Her tone started as "don't mess you are breaking the rules" and within a matter of minutes he had her laughing and agreeing to give us another half hour. Alas, my ride was leaving before I could enjoy that half hour. I admit it was hard to pull myself away from the guitar. I love it when men sing and play the guitar well. It is a known fact that most girls discover someone to be attractive whom they never thought as cute before if/when these skills are demonstrated. Heaven help us when they are attractive before the guitar comes out...

All in all a most pleasant night (especially after I showered, the lake is most fragrant). I saw an antelope and rabbits but sadly missed the bison that charged at Ashley's car. Now I just need to take a trip to southern Utah.

Breathing Deeply

I stepped off the plane Friday in Oakland and made my way outside to wait for the bus. As I walked into the morning air and sunshine I instinctively started to take some deep breaths. The air is different everywhere in the world and there is no air I love more than I find in the Golden State. Northern is a hands down no contest better to Southern but even there as you approach the beach it feels of home. As I started to breathe, I noticed I felt lighter. As if someone had taken a weight off my shoulders and it was easier to just be. I could tell I had come home. Perhaps there is confounding data because going home does mean that I am on vacation... But there is a physical sensation of ease from the very air I breath here. Winding through the back roads to get home, I had the window down and was soaking in my California rays. I marveled to myself (as I do every time) how good the air smells in Santa Rosa. Eucalyptus! I exclaimed, that is one of the smells of home. I had never realized it. Mom just laughed at me and said I was fun.
On my run today, (the only productive thing I did all day. Which for the record, is exactly what I had planned. For these 5 days I've planned to be doing as little as possible.) I returned yet again to the air around me. What makes it sooo good? Grass, oak trees, maple trees, lots of trees, flowers abundant, and a touch of ocean even 30 miles away. Regardless, if you haven't tried Sonoma County air I highly recommend it. Andrea will vouch for me on that. She spent years listening to me rave about home. It wasn't until she came and experienced it for herself that she believed. Now, she raves about this little slice of heaven and needs a yearly fix of her own.

Guess Who?

One of my dear dancing friends is Liz Dibble. We danced together at BYU and amazingly enough, meet up last year here in Salt Lake after we had scattered to various parts of the country. Last October we danced together in a show for the opening of SugarSpace. Then in January I had a voice mail from a David Dibble- her husband. (who I only briefly met after our performance.) He is an artist and was working on a project for an art gallery and was hoping I would be willing to model for it. I think my jaw dropped at that moment. Someone wanted to paint me? I have always held a secret wish to be painted- but thought it most unlikely. And... he was willing to pay me for my time. I felt like manna had just dropped from heaven. His project is a series of paintings representing the 4 seasons. Each season has a head shot and a full body painting. How did he know that spring is my favorite season? I almost giggled when I heard I would represent spring.
I never realized how uncomfortable I am in front of a camera until I spent almost 2 hours with one more or less in my face. Perhaps the fact that it was someone I didn't know staring me down with a critical eye... But then, I came to actually have fun when he shot the full body poses. I know that was because I wasn't looking at the camera and it was more like I was dancing.
On Saturday on Antelope Island I was talking to Dallas Graham and he asked if I would participate in his daily documentary project. He is a professional photographer and his latest project is to interview, write, and photograph someone everyday for a year and then posts it on his blog. It reminded me of an earlier photo shot I had this year... Curious, I got online today to see if there was anything on David's website...

Can you believe it? It's me- painted!

I can't wait to see what the full posed picture looks like. I wonder what he chose after so many costumes and poses. I must say it was a little difficult to think warm spring thoughts that night because it was about 10 degrees outside in the midst of a winter storm. But I am more than pleased with how this one turned out. I am still smiling about it.

Climbing the Hill

Today I was asked to share a favorite childhood memory. Some of you may know that I tend to cringe when it comes to picking a favorite. So I went with the first thing that came to mind. It was inspired by an activity from last evening.

A hike up a hill (at Antelope Island) with some girlfriends and coincidentally enough- two brothers. As we traversed my mind reflected on the times I "climbed the hill" with my brothers.

The house I grew up in- 605 Rinaldo St. was across the street from a foothill that was the gateway to "the mountains" (at least as we knew them).

A favorite summer time activity was to climb the hill. Being the youngest and only girl I had to fight my way to play with my brothers- literally. I was never into dolls or playing house and when I got a Barbie for my birthday from a friend one year I attempted to play with it, but really just didn't know what to do with it, so I stuck it in a drawer. The majority of my childhood involved me playing tag along (and being tied up, wrestled, made into a Heather sandwich, and being locked out of my brothers' room). Climbing the hill was no different- even at a young age I wanted to go and managed to convince them that I should come along. The part of the memory that I love the most was that when we climbed- one went in front and the other stayed behind me. I don't recall if it was specifically spoken- but it was to ensure I made it up and down safely. From that simple act I have always known that my brothers love and care for me and will always be there if and when I need them. They could have ran ahead or foraged on their own and rid themselves of the tag along but... they stayed with me instead. I was able to climb with confidence, security, and joy. Part of that joy was being included and cared for.

Besides the beautiful representation of my relationship with my brothers, I am struck with this image for other reasons. 1) Do I run ahead chasing and fulfilling my own selfish desires when there maybe someone near me who needs what I could offer? 2) I am reminded of my other elder brother -the Savior. There is no road He has not trod and has promised that if we have faith and trust in Him, He will safely guide us and literally walk with us no matter where we are. Consequently, we can have confidence, security, and joy being included and cared for in the fold of Christ.

Quiet Hero

I have been treating a soldier from Iraq on and off for over 8 months. His vehicle was hit by an IED- killing the driver and breaking almost every bone in both of his feet, tibias and fibulas, and burning over 40% of his body. He is still active military duty and is has been stationed in Texas while receiving his medical care. Home for him is Ogden and I saw his mother 2 years ago for her back. So while on leave from Texas he came to see me until he was permanently transferred to Utah. June 12th is his year anniversary from the blast which changed his life forever. He has had so many consecutive surgeries requiring him to be non-weight bearing on his legs that he has hardly walked in a year. The list of complications from not walking for that long is lengthy- and I question to myself -how functional will he become?

He is a quiet hero in so many ways. An old fashioned hero. One that never calls attention to itself but is worthy of emulation. I have never once heard him complain- period. Not about the war, his condition, the pain I put him through, any exercise I give him or anything. And of all people it would be more than understandable and even justifiable for him to complain. I have had more than one patient of mine state that after watching him they will never complain about therapy again. He diligently and positively performs his therapy 3 days a week.

This week I witnessed a miracle. Among many things, he has been walking on the treadmill using a harness attached to an air compressor to unweight him while he ambulated. But on Thursday- no harness just treadmill. I still can't believe the long, confident, even strides I witnessed. Even without upper extremity support (holding on) his gait was better than I hoped for. Can you imagine my joy? Then, to watch him walk in the gym without holding on to anything and without fear of falling... He may never know how much of a miracle it really is. But after over 5 years of PT I know I witnessed a miracle.

He still has a long way to go- but I am grateful that I have the privilege of being his physical therapist. I hope I can always keep close his example of faith, hope, patience, and enduring well unto the end.

Kaleidoscope of Thoughts

I have been treating a low back pain patient for at least 2 months. Not that is anything remarkable (except for LBP pts are the most unreliable group ever- so her consistently coming is in the end rather remarkable), but the fact that she is 64 with Alzheimer's is. I have never had to consistently work with an Alzheimer's pt before and it has been an interesting experience. She doesn't follow/ understand verbal cues very well and needs to be taught the exercises and positions (all three of them) every single time- including from 10 minutes previously. I know she doesn't remember so I am surprised at myself at the frustration that arises. Granted, they are short flares, but they come none the less. I think of her husband and how much work and patience he must have. All the caregivers in this world deserve something amazing. I hope that I can be so lucky to find myself married to a man willing to care for me in such a state. Only I would hope I could ask for a little bit more- consistently clean clothes and a shower... My sense of smell is just too acute.

From the pictures on my blog it would seem that rock climbing is a major passion of mine. I do enjoy it- but it is far from a passion. It was one of those activities one picks up when in pursuit of someone that you keep up after the fact. (I had climbed independent of the male species and enjoyed it- but the pursuit of one led me to make the investment in shoes and a harness.) I like climbing for many different reasons. A) frequently it is outside in the mountains and what a view from the top B) it is a like a puzzle- fitting the pieces together - brain and muscle combined C) sense of accomplishment at the top especially when it's tough to figure out D) it's therapy for me.
Therapy for me because I am not risk taker. I have almost become paralyzed by fear at timies and hanging off the side of a cliff is not the most calming of situations. I have to learn how to trust-myself- including arms, feet, legs, hands separately and individually from each other- and things I can't control- the person on the other side of the rope, the rope, your harness, the bolts... I have to breathe, keep moving, and not listen to the voices telling me to stop as they grow louder the higher I climb. There is something very powerful about getting to the top without my fears getting the better of me. Conquering. I become more powerful everyday living because of this practice. Besides- male climbers are usually laid back, lean, toned and frequently good looking- not a bad crowd to spend some time with.

Changing Tide?
For 1 1/2 years I have not worked full time. My reasons are myriad and not what I wish to discuss. For awhile I have had a nagging impression that it is time to go back to full time. I have thought about how- work isn't busy enough to add on an extra day, do I find another place (that never feels right)... Well perhaps today I got a little bit more of the picture. Alli one of the part time therapists put in her resignation today, shocking us all. Alan is not going to hire on anyone- meaning- I just might easily slide into full time in the next month or so. No guarantees- but a possibility. Can I handle the change? It means giving up a lot of great things. On the flip side- less guilt and more money. We shall see...

Weekend of a Single--- Again

Because Monday was Memorial Day the clinic was closed. Great and all except I don't get paid because I am not full time. So I elected to come in for 5 hours on Friday afternoon after my temple shift to make-up partially for the day. So my weekend started a little later than usual. But once again- a full and exciting weekend.

It started with Suzanne and Anne's annual summer kick off BBQ. Every year they have an open invite BBQ BYOB and movie on the side of the garage. I love it because it is not only a standard event for me but for a lot of friends I don't see much. I realized how many people I've come to know and love in Salt Lake.



BBQ in action- more pics on facebook...

I have yet to stay for the movie at dark- projected against the white garage. Maybe if I had someone to cuddle with... Instead I walked home and went to the grocery store. There is nothing wrong with grocery shopping at 10pm on a Friday night, I promise. If I wanted to get everything in on Saturday I had to...

Saturday was a success. Any Sat that starts out as productive as this one can only be described as a success. By 12:30pm I had showered, washed my car, oil changed, rock chip repaired, cleaned the chapel, cooked my roommates breakfast, and had done my ironing.


Whole wheat pancakes with strawberries and whip cream...




At 1pm Chuck Snow picked me up to join a group rock climbing. It could have been better... getting lost, only climbing once, and waiting unsuccessfully to climb again. 4 hours for one climb but...





The group was fun, good climbers, cute boys, and they climb/hike every week and go country dancing every week. Excellent connections...


Fortunately, I did make it home to stay true to my promise to have a Costco outing with the girls. We met the Costco 100 with only 7 items.

Finally, a night up the canyon with good friends, guitar and singing, tin foil dinners and smores. When I am in the canyons I find myself breathing easier and I feel like a weight is eased. It is the only place I feel at home in Utah. Trees, water, and fresh air-





Mill Creek Canyon was so therapeutic I decided to try City Creek on Sunday. Sunday's are the best and worst of days for me. Lately they have been particularly stressful and difficult. So to combat the drama within, I started from home and went for a walk-- up hill for a long time. I didn't quite reach the end of City Creek when I decided I needed to get back home. I'll have to ride it to the end on my bike sometime. It wasn't as good as Mill Creek but it did the trick and after 2 hours of walking I was much calmer and ready to face what was ahead. Before I knew it another weekend had flown by.

Sometimes I wonder why I pack so much into my weekends. It seems like I hardly have a chance to breathe between everything. I could certainly choose to do nothing- nothing is forcing me to pack it all in. Part of it is I have this drive to be doing something- to make something of my life. As if I have something to prove to myself or the "world". But that isn't the whole of it. There is so much I want to do/ need to do. I am not willing to stand aside. I am grateful for it all.