Untitled

I did not fall
I climbed

I am not a victim
I chose

Unclenching fist and Midnight vigil
Without vow

An ever fixed mark
Hath I found?

I am not falling
I am climbing

To Get to the Other Side

HOPE
Comes-
Because I can rise above what I currently am to become what I most desire
Despite-
My complete inability to achieve it on my own strength and power
Possible-
Because the power of God and the Atonement of Christ overcomes all weaknesses
That is hope, that is power, that is confidence, that is possibility.

I see where I am- and -I see where I desperately want/need to be. The gap between the two is so wide and the chasm so deep the enormity and impossibility of it threatens to envelop me and make me a prisoner of my own limitations. I cannot remember ever feeling so incapable on my own. Then I realize that Christ has overcome the world and with God nothing is impossible. The change I seek and journey to the other side is possible. I believe in Christ- I believe in the power of the atonement. I seek it- not specifically for sin in this case, but for progression and ability to become. Without this hope and faith I am lost- With this hope and faith I am found.

IS

No pushing, forcing, creating, determining, or questioning... it
IS
Despite pushing, resisting, running, fearing, and questioning... it
IS
What are the odds? Against the odds!
IS
Miracles and continued miracles- it
IS
Unlikely and unexpected- no one and nothing could prepare me for
IS
W2L-SH

Teaching the Teacher

I am discovering the clearest revelation I receive typically comes when I am exercising. Whether I'm running, dancing, doing yoga... That is when God can communicate with me. Perhaps it is when I let go the most and am in the moment- open- Not lost in my agenda. I'm honestly not really sure what the connection is...I've just notice it exists.
Earlier this week I was at the South Davis Rec Center- a favorite workout stop for me, when I was given clarity and wisdom I needed/need. Finding the balance between free agency and divine guidance in decisions is difficult for me at times. Recently, I have been struggling with a decision and have felt way over my head with the knowledge that it is MY decision to make and my future is dependant upon what I choose. The weight of my world- present and future sitting squarely on my shoulders. I was stuck on the principle that it is my choice- my free agency. I was petrified--I felt it was just too big for me and I felt very alone. A blessing from my father helped but still I couldn't understand. How can something I know has to be my choice include divine assistance? I was still lone and carrying the full weight of it all. (I realize this is theology 101 to many- but being IN the moment and IN the situation I couldn't understand.) That is when God sent me a gem of personal revelation.
It came in an image and thought about my PT student. I am currently a clinical instructor for a physical therapy student. For no compensation- just the goodness of my heart =) I am training a future therapist in the "real world". The goal is to make him more or less independent with all the responsibilities I encounter everyday. Working in the shock trauma ICU carries a significant amount of intensity requiring a higher level of clinical reasoning and decision making than typical hospital floors. My student needs to become independent with all the decisions for this critically injured and critically ill population I work with. There are 2 things I don't do with my student. 1. I don't toss him into the lions den and say put your education to use and good luck. 2. I don't give him all the answers. Option one would be a disaster to the student and the patients (and my license) and option two would never enable my student to gain the independence he needs to become an accomplished therapist. I DO prompt, hint, ask leading questions, make suggestions, act as a sounding board (for all ideas good and bad), and steer him away from poor reasoning/directions. In the end he is led to the best/one of the best options but he did the leg work and ultimately made the decision. This is how he learns- and gains skills and independence in clinical reasoning. As his experience increases the amount of guidance decreases until ultimately all he needs is a nod of approval for his final decision/choices.
And there was my revelation. Using my own experiences in guiding someone, I was taught how God guides me. Yes, there are decisions for me to make- but he is not going to leave me alone to hope for the best- especially at most critical junctures.

McOmbers Take to the Pool

This picture was actually taken at the end of the night-- FHE extraordinaire, all the McOmbers take to the Lehi pool on a very chilly November evening. And we had a great time!

Check out the fun and goofy grin on Clara- she was laughing at her dad trying to get her to smile for the camera!

Here's a few pictures of Clara and I playing around...

Most of the women folk...

Now I realize that this is not the best picture... but to catch my mother smiling like that with a camera lens is a MIRACLE. So it had to be documented.

David and Clara Rae series begins now...

Grandpa Val and Jacob

A perched Jody

A very concerned Heather Kenna

Heather Kenna still giving me looks even with Daddy holding her.

Jacob and his Batman and Robin goggles...

Some of the gang

Mommy and Me swim lessons starring Jody and Andrea

All in all a most excellent night!!!

31 and Counting

I know that a silly little number really doesn't mean anything... But then again, DO I know that? In all honesty I don't know that. In fact, the weight that number carries varies from totally insignificant to totally Significant. I don't notice my age by how I feel on the inside- the core spirit that is the true self- probably because that is the self that is eternal and thus never ages. But I do notice how much longer it takes me to warm up for dancing, yoga, etc- how much longer it takes to recover and how much my joints are noticing the years of abuse. I see my aging in what is and isn't important to me, how young others seem to be, and how I just don't relate to others in the same way. Lines in my face are beginning to make their debut performance and well I've had some grey hair since graduate school (however I don't think any new ones have appeared). I KNOW I am getting older. Is this a bad thing, scary thing, something to run and cry in shame, frustration, and anger? Well, no. It IS a sobering thing. Generally because I am not where I planned to be, wanted to be, or even thought could be an option. It is a good life- I'm am immensely grateful for all I have-- it is just different. And I don't have a good measure of time because one day blends and melds into the next and there is little to distinguish. Then I feel panicky because time feels like it is just slipping away. Perhaps having children helps to monitor aging in a way I don't have. You watch them change and grow before your eyes- seeing more clearly the passage time... A justification for the years. I look to see the justification for my years and I see someone renting an apt with roommates just as I was 10, 11, 12, 13 years ago... Living a good life- but... still... difficult to understand. Perhaps the number associated with my name and person leads me to act and decide things I may otherwise not. It has definitely become a factor in equations I am working through- When did that happen?

Many thoughts have run through my head as I come to finish this post- this wandering musing of life... But I am going to end it with what I need. with words of wisdom I hope I can take to heart. Trust God. Trust that He knows my life and what is needed and necessary to succeed. Remember that success is not measured by where you live, who you live with, what you do for work, how many children you have- but it is measured by your heart- your commitment to your covenants, how much you have loved, and what you have become and if you can honestly be called by Christ's name and voice and be numbered as one of his fold. And then help others along the way. These are the only justifications for years that matter.

Spinning on a Dime

I have noticed two different ways life changes. Sometimes it is such a gradual curve that you thought you were headed in a ceaseless straight line until you turn around miles down the road only to realize you have been traveling a degree at a time to find yourself surprisingly in a new place- the sum of the one degree added up to something big in the end (for good or for ill). Other times life spins on a dime. As if the dime was a magic portal you stepped on that spins you around 100 times fast - even faster than Mary Poppins spins-(Ashley Stolworthy, that was for you!) forget spotting your head!- and then dumps you out in a foreign land/ planet. Everywhere you were going, everything you were thinking, and all your plans you were making need more than a little revising. But thinking and seeing clearly is essentially impossible because the world is still spinning and forget trying to look around to get your bearings because any attempts at walking might land you directly on your bottom.

Just in case you were curious, I've had a spin on a dime episode... I certainly did not see any warning signs of a transport portal ahead. Still not sure if I landed on idyllic paradise or a hostile war plagued mine field. When my head clears and I trust my legs to walk around I'll let you know. Regardless- A new adventure is a foot- and I am usually game for an adventure. Wish me luck!!