As I sat down at my computer tonight, I felt like it has been a long time since I've last written. Like I've been estranged. There has been so much chaos in my head this last week I have felt distanced from many things. But as T Rex was loading my blog (sometimes it takes a little longer than others) I felt a quiet calm and comforting feeling. I suppose my blog has become a trusted friend- a safe and enjoyable place to visit. I am grateful for the peace I feel right now. I went to a fireside tonight and Elder Ballard spoke- the noise and anxiety in my heart and mind made it difficult at times to hear, but the spirit was there. (Hard for it not to be when there is an apostle of Jesus Christ speaking.) I caught a few precious pieces of his comments but more importantly- I left with peace. The spirit was present and it had enough time to work on me that I left with what I needed, peace. This is yet another confirmation of the truthfulness of the gospel. I was positively changed by the spirit of the Lord which was present to testify the truth of the words of a man of God. The gospel truly has power to change us if we are willing. And- I have never yet been anything but grateful for the changes it has brought.
If anyone has followed my blog long enough- which there may be a handful, amazingly enough- you might remember a scathing review and reminiscence I rendered after attending the ballet. I am about to write a contradictory statement to ones previously mentioned. I was given free dance classes in exchange for my help with the dancers. On Wednesday night I pulled out from the depths of my bed a black leotard, pink tights and my old pair of ballet slippers. I was amazed at how I felt as I donned the classic seamed tights. I felt like I was coming home. Returning to something I had loved but forgotten. As I entered the studio and put my hand on the barre and looked at the mirrors and space filled with potential I felt like I was where I belonged. Not that ballet will ever be my favorite but it is not the ugly step-child I sometimes try to make it out to be. I learned a lot in the years at the barre- it help to shape who I am for the better and it was really good to return. I am a little slow and weak but it's still there. And it felt really good. I felt like a dancer- and I love feeling that way. I am happiest when I feel like a dancer. A lot of people don't know that side of me and that makes me sad. I remember a time when everyone thought I was a dance major and were shocked to find out I wasn't. Now it's the opposite, people are shocked I am a dancer- or don't really believe me. But that is besides the point. The point is, I surprised myself with how much I enjoyed donning the pink tights. I even bought myself a new pair of ballet shoes this week so I don't rip off a chunk of my toe again next time because my other shoes are too old. But what is ballet without some skin loss?
Work- that is still a conundrum. One of several things I find myself perseverating about. Although I am finding my work endurance increasing- it wasn't until late Thursday that I was "done" with work, I do notice that it is coming at a cost. I feel myself getting "harder" and less open inside. Alas- I have a feeling I will be at my quest for the right change for awhile. And as my good friend says- perhaps what you really need is a change of attitude. If you could take my commute out, give me a consistent lunch break and paperwork time, add in a little continuing ed support I would have nothing to complain about.
I find the night is waning and although I would like to write a bit more, I have other needs to address. I suppose I will forever be in the pursuit of time.
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Quotes
"You are what your deep, driving desire is. As your desire is, so is your will. As your will is, so is your deed, as your deed is, so is your destiny." Brihadaranyaka Upanishad 4.5 (Translated by Eknath Easwaran.).
"Until one is committed, there is hesitancy, the chance to draw back, always ineffectiveness concerning all acts of initiative and creation. There is one elementary truth the ignorance of which kills countless ideas and splendid plans: that the moment one definitely commits oneself, then providence moves too. All sorts of things occur to help one that would never otherwise have occurred. A whole stream of events issues from the decision, raising in one’s favor all manner of unforeseen incidents and meetings and material assistance which no man could have dreamed would have come his way. Whatever you can do or dream you can, begin it. Boldness has genius, power and magic in it. Begin it now." Goethe
" I have come to the frightening conclusion that I am the decisive element. It is my personal approach that creates the climate. It is my daily mood that makes the weather. I possess tremendous power to make a life miserable or joyous. I can be a tool of torture or an instrument of inspiration. I can humiliate or humor, hurt, or heal. In all situations, it is my response that decides whether a crisis will be escalated or de-escalated, and a person humanized or de-humanized. If we treat people as they ought to be, we help them become what they are capable of becoming." Goethe
"Being committed to place ourselves in an environment that we know will make us grow and teach us about our deepest selves builds character, strength, and courage. We soon find ourselves in the habit of growth and find that "we’ve arrived" by our mere presence on the path. We find ourselves at home in the heat of our own refinement." Scott Moore
"The last thing the world needs is another perfect Downward Facing Dog pose. What the world does need is another open heart." Judeth Lasater
1 comment:
I once had to purchase a pair of ballet shoes for my niece, who was desperate to become a ballerina after watching a movie in which a ballerina (wearing Ballet shoes
, of course) danced in front of a king and queen and was selected to become a princess. Everyone in my family decided to purchase for the young girl a different piece of the ballet ensemble, and I was tasked with the purchase of the ballet shoes, so that she would be able to dance and pay proper respect to the medium as an art form.
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