I need a quick break from my Costa Rica writings. Life is happening all around me while I am trying to get caught up on my trip. Consequently- my blog is behind. Need to stop- time out from my reminiscing - and say what I need to say. Let's start with the biggest and work down from there. I have given myself 3-6months -1 year tops -to more or less quit my job. Surprise? This has been coming for a long time. I could go on as I have day in and out working a secure steady job and continue spending the better half of my week unhappy. Because when all is said and done that's how I feel. (Hard to qualify unhappy to be a true reflection of my feelings- it is really more complicated than that. It just isn't where I want to be. I feel like there has to be more/ better/ different for me where I can thrive.) It has taken me a long time to come to terms with admitting that. It doesn't mean I've failed somewhere/somehow- or that I am not strong enough or that I've made bad choices. In fact I think it is all good choices that has lead me here. Because without the knowledge I have gained by working in the clinic I could never have become empowered to take the steps to do something more. Working in the clinic is the easiest way to be employed as a therapist. Now I am faced with the possibility of stepping out on my own. Now, I still may chicken out- but the thought of my life as is for years to come is pretty motivating to make a change. I am afraid to stay and I am afraid to step out. More and more I feel I am more- getting by and surviving- as far as work is concerned than living and I want to thrive. I am not willing to waste my time away like that- I am a more passionate person than that, and as a result, sometimes I feel the life being sucked right out of me. So what am I going to do? The jury is still out on that one. It's not being a physical therapist I don't like- it's how, where, when, and with whom I practice. Really it is all a big mess- and yet I am overall strangely calm about it. I believe the Lord desires my happiness and knows my willingness to work and my desire to make a difference -therefore in the end, all will be well. And there will be dancing...
Ready to move on from that? Because I sure am.
How about my favorite health science discovery? Believe it or not- pay close attention because this just might change your life. Research has shown that "physical activity reverses the effects of the obesity gene"! I almost lost it when I read that online at work. Really? Physical activity... The sad thing is - it was a necessary study. I can see people saying " well I have the obesity gene so there is nothing I can do so I might as well sit here and eat my..." What a world we live in...
On Wed I stood in line for 1 1/2 hours (because they oversold) to see the Monet to Picasso exhibit traveling from the Museum of Cleveland. First hand art is so powerful! I was speechless as I viewed one painting or sculpture to the next. Partly because I have no talent- not one iota- for drawing, painting, etc. I can not even begin to comprehend their genius. Complete awe. I loved as I stared, at times, the paintings changed in depth and comprehension. Sometimes I thought the portraits where going to step right out of the frame. (Maybe that was the fatigue and hunger?) Favorite- Van Gogh two poplars. I've seen prints and have not been overly impressed- the real thing?- Intoxicating. I remember being enamored in Paris when I saw my first Van Gogh in person. Texture and color... Next favorite- abstract girl playing with ball. Don't really remember the actual name. So much movement! You should have seen me explain the picture to others- I'm dancing all over to portray what I saw.
2 day PT conference this weekend- learned a lot but it fueled the fire for my "must have change"...
World of Dance- well done, yet difficult to be back on BYU campus. Where does dancing fit into my life now?
Playing with Clara- Fun to make her laugh!
Temple Friday night- grace for grace... There is no where quite like the temple.
Sunday- First time I've been able to take the Sacrament in almost a month. 2 weeks in Costa Rica and last week was regional conference. I have been looking forward to it for weeks. Truly a sweet moment. I don't understand it, but, there is a change that happens - a spiritual experience- peace... I can feel when I am paying close enough attention- especially noticeable if I have been unable to take it - like when I was gone with the US snowboard team. I admit- it caused some tears today.
Does anyone else have a "should" problem or is that just me?
That sums up a few things. All I have to say is-- sweet is the peace the gospel brings. I am so grateful for the gospel- for Jesus Christ. For perspective and happiness. For the plan of salvation. We sang a line today at church I really liked. By the patience of hope and the labor of love. Patience is brought by hope and labor by love. Those are the most honorable motivators I can think of- hope and love.