First Impressions

They say you never get a second chance to make a first impression. Last night I decided to make an impression both memorable and tangible. Perhaps my subconscious really wanted to be sure there was a reminder of my presence for all. First date- Now if you remember I normally don't blog about dates- but this one is all about me. Dinner, new shoes- Kuru (ever hear of them, if you haven't then you should super comfortable, ergonomically/anatomically based, stylish and enviro friendly- watch out Keen. www.kurufootwear.com) then we stop by his place to check out his and his roommate's garden- and truly it was worth seeing. Before we get to the garden I am walking down the stairs in the house in socks on carpet and can you guess what happens next? Those stairs magically transformed into a slip and slide. My feet flew out from under me- rather violently- and I landing hard on my backside and back and found myself no longer at the middle of the stairs but at the bottom. I truly believe I set a personal record for best spills ever. If I was 80 years old that would have been a broken hip for sure. Bret turns around after I let out a bit of a squeal and finds me at the bottom of the stairs with my eyes closed not moving. I think I panicked him a little. I quickly stated that I was fine but initially he wasn't buying it because I was still not moving. Then he looked up and I followed his gaze and found the huge hole my elbow punched into the dry wall when I went spread eagle during my world record splay. Yep that's right- I punched a hole in the wall- literally leaving my first impression. I just wish I had a picture of the hole to go along with this blog. You will all be happy when I set your mind at ease that I turned out to be ok. A bruised tail to go with a even more red, embarrassed and bruised ego. I did spend the next half hour on a pack of frozen asparagus (courtesy of Josh- his roommate) to ice my throbbing right butt cheek. The wall- that didn't fair as well as I did. Now they have to tell the owner of the house- their roommate- and try to fix it before he gets home in a few days. Good thing they are handy boys. And that is my latest first impression.

Streaming Live

Is blogging like riding a bike? If so then I may be in trouble. You see, I kinda want to get back into the game. The blogging game. I've been benched by the coach for a while (except for a few safe minutes (posting pictures) )and I want more action. But if blogging is like riding a bike this may be rough for a while. Everyone says once you learn to ride a bike you never forget how. I say wrong. Ok- so the basics of balance and pedaling and maybe even braking didn't totally fail me but that is all I am going to give it. Short of avoiding mom and dad holding the bike or training wheels, when I got back on a bike after a long sabbatical it was not like I remembered it.
The here's and there's about why I stopped writing are not really important. The all too typical sob story of time management is only one piece of the pecan pie. Why pecan? Because I fell madly in love with saying pecan pie while living in North Carolina. (ps NC I miss you)
So now I'm nervous. Yes nervous. What if what I have to say is stupid? Bringing the question of why does it matter? I worry that it isn't witty, or profound, or or or. But that kinda of thinking is not helpful, only paralyzing. Trust me, I know, because I find myself floundering in these thoughts and spirals all too often. I am determined to be ok with the fact that no one may impressed by what I have write. I am writing it for my own sake, right? Right? Well, its a work in progress.
I made the determination tonight that I was going to write. I mean when you leave work at 8:15pm and you have to go back at 7:30am it doesn't leave you much time to do much of anything else. During the drive home from the hospital I was thinking about what I wanted to write. (Because I am out of the practice of writing I have discovered that I don't think like I used to. When I wrote more frequently I was more apt to chew on and ponder things that I came across and thought if /how I wanted to write about it. Now my brain is dull- partly why I want to start writing again.) What to write... ?work. I could write about work- there are hundreds of stories I could share- but then I think, what about HIPPA? Then I hear the voices of so many that say- I don't like your stories from work. What? What is not to like about motorcycle accidents, car accidents, stabbings, shootings, people newly paralyzed, dying of multi system organ failure, sepsis, or... OK- maybe work stories in small easy doses. I figure there are generally two ways to approach what I see and do at work. One is with fear, heartbreak and despair. The other is with hope and gratitude for what can be done, what can be saved, and how much I can help people who can't help themselves. There will always be injury, illness, and accident- this is life- that is just what you get.
Today at work I had a great gift. One of my patients said thank you to me and that made a world of difference. When I started she was so weak she literally couldn't even move her eyes. After a month of torturing her and never letting her give up she has come a long way. There are days I swear she thinks I am the meanest person ever- but I am determined she will stand and walk again.
I think I am getting tired because the multiple forks, tangents and thoughts in my mind are slowing down. Work is tiring- end of story. At least my legs don't shake by the end of the work week like they used to in the very beginning. The question is, How long can I do this job? The answer is - not forever. I already have aged my back much faster than I care to think too much about. Perhaps some bodies are better designed for the 70-80 hour week of this kind of work- but I think every week on- how much longer will I last? And trust me, I don't want it to be something giving out on me that leads me to what's next. I have thought a lot about what is next. I haven't liked too many of my answers. Life is challenging- yet comfortable where I am. I leave work at work, the 7 days off is so alluring it is hard to give up, and I make enough money I am satisfied. But I would rather be proactive than have a change forced upon me. As a result I am returning over and over again to the idea of a PHD. Yikes. I'll be honest- I'm scared. Although I am less and less scared about whether or not I could do it. I am scared about losing myself to being a student again. Being poor, student loans(I just paid mine off), and every night in the library just doesn't sing to me- especially with how comfortable things are right now. I really don't want to go back to a night out at the movie being a splurge.
The end goal is to teach. I love teaching and I am fairly good at it- although the little I have taught may not give a good sample of where this degree would take me. Currently I am thinking about Public Health- preventative health. I really want to prevent people from being my current patient. And recently- during my run on Saturday to be specific- I have thought of a potential emphasis- children. I truly believe the key is to establish habits and create health patterns in childhood. It is so hard to change midstream. I also think children have the potential to inspire their parents to improve their health behavior.
Okay- if you have made it so far into this blog there are only a few options as to why or how.
A) You hoped I would actually end up with something worthwhile at the end (sorry but this is as good as it gets today. Its like the 2 hours you will never get back from a movie you were hoping to find some purpose or justification for watching.
B) Guilt or Fear- your family or close to it and you for some reason thought not reading this would come back to bite you someday. Well- I can't say I don't bite, but rest assured, not over this post.
C) Totally bored
D) Unsolved mystery

In the end I realize the only one I am writing for is me. I need to write. And if that means a stream of unrelated topics to ease the circles in my mind then ok- a stream it is. I do plan on writing more- and as I write more I will put a few more meaningful thoughts together. There is one topic in particular I am wanting to write a little about. The second topic- well that needs to wait awhile to protect the seemingly innocent(me). Oh, but that is a good story. ;)

My bed is calling me and I am quite ready to fall into the lure of its siren. Good night and God bless.

H~

More

I am more
I am more than flesh and bones
more than brain and heart.
I am more than pain, fear, joy, love and hate
more than spirit, ether, and energy.
I am unending.

My existence will outlast the stars in the heavens.
There is no searching the depths I have carved in my soul
and no reaching the heights my spirit has touched.
I am eternal.

I am more
I am more than the contours of my face and the letters behind my name.
more than the tallied numbers in my accounts.
I am more than the failures and successes that appear to sum my life.
I am a divine being.

I am more, you are more, we all are more.

February Plight for Light

I decided I need sun in February. Time to break up the gloom and get a little vitamin D restoration. So I took myself on a little joyride- to Vegas and St George. My aunt had a condo rented out in St George that I took advantage of and I spent a day and night with Katrina in Vegas. I watched the weather and picked a week that by the end reached 70 degrees. That may not sound tropical, but the week before it was 0 degrees and 70 degrees made me giddy (and sunburned). Just a little pink... but I was so excited to be pink. I decided that I would treat myself to the things I had never given myself the expense to do. Besides, it was also Valentines weekend and no one else is going to treat me to a fantastic getaway- so I gave it to myself. I saw Cirque's O, went shopping at the Vegas outlets and was going to hike Angels Landing- but ran out of time so I hiked through a ravine and scampered on boulders and watched some climbers in an area next to the condo instead. Dangerous- that is all I have to say about the outlets in Vegas- 2 watches, a wallet, purse, belt, and fabulous pair of boots later... PS I would go and see O again in a heartbeat. By the end of the great February plight for light I was rejuvenated. It is amazing what a little light can do.

Winter

Winter is not the easiest of seasons for me. I like it- I really do- but only for 2 months. After that, I'm done. Done with the cold, done with digging my car out of the snow to go to work in the morning, and done with being light deprived. So this year I invested in skiing. A ski pass, skis, and a couple of lessons. I figured with all my time off I could really put it to use. I am not sure I have accomplished as much as I set out to do... but I have made progress and I think it has helped. I realize I could do more than I have with my ski pass. But without it I am not sure I would have made it up there much at all. There is something about doing everything by yourself all the time that makes motivation more difficult- even when you love something. Why is it that most things are better shared?

I am definitely not to the point of loving skiing, yet. I am not sure that I destined to love skiing as much as my friends. Perhaps the patients I see during my work week make me a little more cautious than the average skier. All the broken backs, necks, legs, arms... There was one skier who we thought might end up with an amputated leg. But... I am enjoying having a better reason for the snow.

But it is March and I am really ready for the blah of winter to fade into the brightness of spring.

Christmas Pictures 2010

By the time I was done writing about Christmas, I didn't have the patience to add pictures. So here they are. Christmas breakfast, the stocking Santa left for me, the beautiful front room my roommates create every year, and all my friends that where there with me on Christmas in their paper picture form.

Kaylee McOmber

Kaylee Nicole was born Dec 8, 2010. It will be nice and easy to remember how old she is... She managed to claim her own day from her sister by 5 days. It is the first time I have been able to visit the new arrivals in the hospital. All the others did not plan well for Aunt Heather to welcome them early on. The funny thing is that Kaylee was unintentionally named after my mother and I. Heather Kenna- one of the older sisters of Kaylee was intentionally named after my mother and I. But Kaylee is my middle name and my mothers middle name combined. Tim and Andrea didn't even realize. I will take it- gladly. Aunt Anginette and cousin Clara were also there to greet the newest McOmber.
So happy to have you here Kaylee~