On the Brink

I think I am getting really close to biting the bullet and just take a few computer classes. I am getting so frustrated! My limited knowledge due to my refusal to play the technology game is starting to come back to haunt me- as we all knew it would... But really, cutting and pasting should not be a problem! All I wanted to do is share and save a most wonderful piece of writing I came across last week. But no- It refuses to transfer into my blog. I can paste it into my email and word- but not here. Why?! Grrrr... Obviously the answer is- I don't know, which is why I really may be tossing in the towel and going to get some help. What are the odds?! I may wind up becoming tech savvy- who knows?

Innumerable and Priceless

I would like to report that life is good. I am blessed with so much in my life- when I take a step back and look through clearer eyes I see myself blessed far beyond the efforts and good intentions my life could ever hope to earn. Simply the knowledge of the eternities/gospel, the blessings of the endowment, and the love of family and friends are of the riches blessings to be cherished and prized above all. But I also have health, strength, coordination, and the beauties of the earth to see, admire, and play in. There is music to move the soul and the feet in rhythm which I can hear, feel, and create. I live in a comfortable beautiful home. I have a job where I am part of a team- respected and appreciated and am paid more than enough to cover my needs and enough wants to never complain. My mind is open and receptive-capable of learning without major obstacle. I have the means to be warm in the winter, cool in the summer, and fed all three meals without concern. I indeed have very little in my life worthy of complaint. Although sadly, I, amazingly enough, forget these things and choose instead to focus on small insignificant worries, detours, disappointments, or fatigues. How easy it is to turn a grain of sand into a giant boulder. I have seen enough of this world-from third world countries to physical limitations from working in health care to KNOW that these blessings are gifts, to be treasured. Many things I take for granted are others unreachable dream. I hope I can take time to stop, ponder, and appreciate just how rich my life is and toss the boulders in my sight back into the sand box where they belong.

Random

Today I was informed that I could not treat any patients until I had come into full compliance with hosptial standards. I didn't even know I was out of compliance. It turned out that I hadn't had one of my standard vaccines- so I became the victim of a stabbing this morning. I was informed I would be sore tomorrow. Forget tomorrow! I was sore starting 2 hours after.

I treated a 90 year old patient who still had naturally brown hair- some grey interspersed but I was amazed that the majority was still brown.

I treated a patient today who in years pass had a gastric bypass and intenstinal shortening. When I walked in the room she was taking a bite out of a crown burger that was as big as my head and was asking where her onion rings were. Lets just say that the surgery wasn't as successful as she wished and she suffers from chronic diaherra. Shocking...

Anyway- just a couple of random tid bits from my day at work.

Hopeless

I still remember the first time my heart was broken- I was 15. Don Daley had already turned 16 and he could "date" now and I couldn't. So he broke off our innocent 15 year old "going out". Really it had consisted of talking on the phone, going to church dances and getting together in groups at friends' houses. My poor romantic committed self was devastated. We ended up being close friends for the next five years while he dated scores of women. It was a great friendship. He was the boy who told me that I was not the kinda girl guys wanted to date- I was the kind they wanted to marry. I now know that was the highest compliment I could receive, a reflection of how I stayed true to my standards and what I believed, but it didn't seem that way when he said it. Over the next 16 years since I cried in the hall of the stake center at that youth dance, my heart has broken more times than I wish to count. I know that wishing on a star, a toss of a penny in a wishing well, blowing all the seeds out of a dandelion, kissing a frog, blowing out all the candles on a birthday cake, shooting stars, holding your breath through a tunnel... doesn't magically produce your dreams, your hearts desire, the childish wish you faithfully toss to the fairies and cupids just out of sight. I know because I have tried them all. (well, I'm not sure I've ever kissed a literal frog...) But... do you want to know a secret? I still do it. I still wish on stars and when I blow out the candles on my cake. I try to blow off all the seed of the dandelion and toss the penny into any wishing well. I want to believe in dreams. I want to believe that burning desires of my heart will come to life. The question is how many times will my heart break and my dreams not come true before I let go of my childish ways? Haven't I learned anything in the last 15+ years? I have come to the conclusion that I am hopeless. I will continue to risk my heart, I will continue to dream, and break the "rules" of sophisticated women- and as a result I will continue to suffer the pains of a broken heart. Because I want to make the birthday cake. I know that line makes no sense but I'm not ready to tell that story yet. I know my behavior is sometimes childlike- but I would rather laugh about ping ponging through the narrow halls of a ridiculous condo than walk all stoic and ladylike. I would rather get excited to share a joy or create a joy than stop and think through "overstepping" my bounds. I would rather hold my breath through a long tunnel and feel the glee and anticipation of what I get to wish for rather than not. So there you go- I am hopeless and I'm afraid it just won't ever change. I hope I never find out my limit of heart breaks before I change.