They say that an ending is also a beginning. That by sacrificing everything you are then free to receive everything. But frequently the problem is perspective. When a door firmly closes in front of you ending the course you were currently on, the door looks really big, in fact the door is all you can see. The window that is opening to you is not in sight. Even turning your head around isn't enough because you are standing too close to the door. There is only one thing that will give the perspective to be able to see more than the door and that is distance- our good friend time.
I have reached an ending. I wonder if endings are difficult because eternal is our nature and endings go against our nature. Despite the struggle and my dislike for them, I am getting better at endings, much better than I used to be. Perhaps practice does make perfect after all. The mix of emotions comes as a cocktail not to be found in any other way. Relief, mourning, apathy, regret, liberation, the budding of new dreams, the painful death of old dreams, fatigue, concern, confusion... Relearning and redefining self all over again. And what are the right steps to take anyway? I am thankful that the true desires of my heart will stand as my judgement as much or more than my actions.
Right now I am just tired. Drained dry. The ride has ended, the park is closing and it is time to find refuge in a long winters nap. Isn't that one of the best things about winter anyway?