Tuesday, March 11, 2014


1358. The number of antibodies in a quantified portion of blood hurling themselves at my thyroid. Heavy weight when contrasted to the normal range of 0-3.9. I still remember the sound of the medical assistance's voice over the phone when she read me the lab results. Incredulous- that is how I would describe it. Followed by- this confirms the doctor's theory after your ultrasound. You definitely have Hashimoto's. December 2013.
Good news- its not cancer. You are not your mother. Bad news- as far as the endocrinologist is concerned there is nothing "really" wrong with you. Just increase your thyroid dose a little to make up the loss of function and you are spic and span good as new.
But he is wrong. So very, very wrong.
Holding on for a few weeks till the new dose kicks in- just hold on and things will turn around like magic.
I am wrong. So very, very wrong.

January 2014
I broke down in the middle of January when I realized the new dose of medication was not magic and patience not my friend. When I looked at myself I found my life lost to shadows. Fatigue, pain, poor memory, little concentration, and a whirl of things I stopped being able to comprehend as the brain slowed to a horrible near motionless state. Even with less work to accomplish and fewer responsibilities I found the few balls I juggled falling down all around me. I no longer recognized myself. Guilt overwhelming as I failed to accomplish the tasks of everyday living.

Red River Health and Wellness Clinic
Functional Medicine. Endocrinology Specialists. Chiropractors. Chiropractors? One must understand that as a physical therapist we are taught a healthy dose of apprehension and distaste toward chiropractors. Now I am turning to one for the answers and help I can't find anywhere else. Hard to swallow.  If I was to make a list of miracles along this journey of health loss and "recovery" it would be long. But I must say finding someone that had answers and a course of treatment to help rebuild my life is one of those miracles- chiropractor and all.
Blood tests, saliva test = Poor liver function, hypoglycemia, extreme adrenal fatigue, food intolerances. All adding up to increased inflammation fueling the autoimmune disease and each selectively stealing it's own piece of my life. 6 months he says. 6 months and a lot of changes. End of January 2014

March 10, 2014
In the Middle.
Activity restriction 30min of walking 3x a week until the adrenals are recovered. I haven't had any form of sugar other than fruit in 5 weeks. I may never be able to eat any form of dairy, eggs (in any form including baking), iodized salt, almonds, or pineapple again. My greatest achievement is adding back in brown rice to my diet after a month with no carbohydrates.
And the journey is slow and long.
A personal roller coaster of rise and falls. Hormone changes= tears. I ended up crying in my car in the parking lot of Costco today for really no reason at all. Just a flood of sadness and emotion overwhelming me. My husband is unreachable. Fortunately my brother answers and talks me home. Perhaps this is a prequel to the hope of pregnancy once I am recovered. Failed food adding attempts leaving me flat on the couch for 2 days. Now insomnia. 2am currently and I am quite alert. But I am alert and clear minded. How I have missed my beautiful brain! Headaches are mostly gone, menstrual cycle normalized, heart palpitations stopped, no more brain fog. Obviously improvements. Curtis saw the vacuum out when he came home from work last week and got really excited. Look- you're feeling better. I was sorry to inform him I got the vacuum out but then lost the energy and never actually used it. Yet his optimism was not to be deterred. The very fact I felt like attempting housework was a great sign to him. One day I asked him how he can be so positive all the time. Isn't he tired of my complaints. Then he said the most magical words ever. "I guess someone just made my glass half full when I met you."
I never know what a day will bring. Every once in awhile I get a glimmer and taste of being Heather again. It is encouraging and discouraging all at the same time. I think when I feel a bit better I am capable of understanding how bad things have been and are.
One thing is for sure. My life will never be the same.
Another thing for sure. Being in the Middle is a rough place to be.
Last thing for sure. Being in the Middle is much better than still being lost and hopeless.

I don't know how I would survive this without my husband's support and unconditional love. Without a single word of complaint he has picked up a large portion of the cooking, laundry, dishes, and any additional needs while I watch. He has held me through tears, frustration, anxiety, and pain. Perhaps not quite the woman he married almost a year ago- but I'm fighting to become better and more healthy than her. Most likely I've had this autoimmune disease for 20 years undiagnosed until I finally crashed into pieces this year. It explains so many difficult parts of my life. The goal- learn what I need, control the disease and feel better than I can ever remember. And fall asleep tonight!


RaeLyn said...

Heather, Did you know my mom was diagnosed with this last year? Marilyn has it too. They have both been working with some fabulous people who are really helping them a lot. You'll make it :) Hugs!

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