The End of June

I can hardly believe that today is the last day of June and marks that the year is officially half over. Time for a check up. I opened up my notebook where I wrote down some of my new years resolutions. I entitled it "Joy for the New Year". That was my New Years Resolution- Joy. I wanted to live my life more actively. Not to feel that another year had passed with nothing to show for it. More planning and doing. Sitting here on June 30th I am surprised and amazed at where I stand. I am meeting my goal- but... in more ways than I planned. Looking back on my blog one can see I haven't been sitting around too much. No need to recap. AND, the best part is that so much more is coming this year! Going to see John Mayer and then Jack Johnson at Usana, hiking the canyons, the Shakespeare Festival in Cedar City, Costa Rica in Sept, camping in southern Utah and hiking the parks for my birthday- the big 30! And that just takes me to Oct. This list doesn't include bike rides, my professional level dance classes, yoga, books (which is a rare treat to find the time), and working in the yard- which by the way BB managed to lose the lawn mower, so, the front looks hideous. I taught a yoga class last Thursday and loved it. Wish I taught every week. I have met my goals of paying off my car, next week I will have lowered my student loan by a digit (to celebrate Emily suggested we drop something off the top window because I've dropped a number), and I've actually begun my food storage and emergency preparedness (which will be an on going project for a long time). All of which were additional goals set at the New Year. (Don't worry I have a few more to work on.)

I want to spend another moment on my goal for Joy. I have written before that Joy is the ultimate quest. Joy however, cannot be found by a lot of "doing"- even when that doing is a lot of fun. The more I do- the more I understand this truth. But, I admit, I still find myself trying to obtain joy by doing. As if I have to prove to myself and others I have a worthwhile life... because look, you can see it--- that is a psychoanalysis for later. I think Satan pushes this idea that joy comes from "doing" to keep us so occupied we don't have time to reflect and discover the truth. So where does joy come from? This answer is simultaneously simple and complex. The ultimate answer is Joy comes from fulfilling our purpose and mission on earth and becoming more like Christ. Currently, I am working to find balance between my "to do list" and spending my time in less obvious accomplishments- spiritual time. I have noticed- I find more true/ pure joy with my spiritual activities and gains. (So why is it so hard to spend more time with them?)


Continuing on my "check up", I admit there were a few months this year that were not so great. I could not seem to work through a "situation" I found myself in. By far, not the worst I've seen, but frustrating nonetheless. Joy, at times, seemed like an enigma. Until... I finally received the direction that made all the difference. I started to study about hope. I think I have flirted ruthlessly with hope in my life. I'd pick it up from time to time, but never made a commitment. I never bothered to discover and learn about it and therefore was unable to allow it to transform my life. Simply holding ultimate hope (Christ- atonement, eternities, covenants, God's promises...) has brought me so much light. Truly lifting a burden I have needlessly carried for too long. From this change, I have come much closer to my goal of "Joy for the New Year" than by anything else I have done.


A change of subject- as it is the last day of June I want to recognize a couple of birthday's. June 11th was my niece Jody's, 7th birthday! Love that girl dearly. The very next day was a dear friends birthday. I want to take a moment to honor him. Because life ebbs and flows- weaving a complicated pattern throughout our lives- occasionally the process requires a separation for the ultimate good. In March, I told a dear friend goodbye for what may possibly be the rest of our lives. Our current situations demanded it. June 12th was his birthday and I don't want to let June pass without wishing him a happy birthday. He doesn't know about my blog and will never know that I remembered. But here is a tribute to him anyway. He has been a great teacher and inspiration to me about how to live, what is and isn't important, and how to embody charity. He reminds me of a Hindu tradition: a old wise soul choosing to be reincarnated not because he needs it but because he wants to help others. Peace, calm, contentment, and happiness overflows affecting those around him. He has a spiritual gift of seeing people clearly and helping them to see themselves. He cherished me and never missed an opportunity to express his thanks. Don't get me wrong- he is human- with weaknesses of his own, but he stands apart from the crowd.

And so I am at the end of June. Grateful for the lessons learned, activities performed, and excited for what the future will bring!

Facebook Success Story

My first year of high school I had Mr Dewey 1st period for English. Amongst the more memorable parts of that class included the caked spittle that would form on both sides of his mouth growing larger and more discolored as the class proceeded- making it at times utterly impossible to look at him-, his hair magically changing from grey to dark brown at times throughout the year, and it is the class that I met Tyson Fok. Strangely enough I prefer the part of meeting Tyson. He was smart, cute, funny, and always living up life. (and driving the 4 or 5 blocks to school) We had various classes together throughout high school and I admit- throughout the years I always had some varying level of a crush for Tyson. Well, high school ended (as it hopefully does for all) and I flew the coup off to Utah, while good friends stayed in California. I think I saw Tyson once after I left for college. Throughout the years my thoughts occasionally strayed wondering what he was up to. 11-12 years later... the creation of facebook.

Tyson and I connected on facebook about 6 weeks ago. Perfect timing- he and his family just happened to be coming to Utah this summer. With all things said and done he ended up picking me up from the airport (because I was coming back from our old home town in Cali) and we played this last weekend. After 12 years he hasn't changed much- the same Tyson I remember just- better. And we had fun. Dinner, yoga, farmers market, Ani De Franco concert, and just talking were some of the highlights. It was a great weekend and I'm sad we live so far apart- he would be a great friend to play with more often.


Farmers Market Sushi
(FYI Tyson was a sushi chef in college to pay the bills)


One photo before we part ways...
Just a side note- I am wearing heels that are close to 4 inches and I think he still crouched down a bit for the photo- probably part of the reason he is a volleyball extraordinaire.

So thank you Facebook!! We couldn't have done it without you!

Quoteable

"Be yourself everyone else is taken"
Oscar Wilde

" Oh, divine unfathomable mystery of Destiny's compensations."
Victor Hugo, Les Mis

Home Sweet Home

There is nothing quite like going home for the soul. I am so grateful I have such a home to draw upon. Home means so many things- it is amazing how much one word can contain. And Home, with all it's meanings, is different for every person. While home, my mom and I were window shopping in a boutique. There was a wall hanging that read "To come home is to find yourself with those who put your heart at ease". I thought that summed it up perfectly. (Although sometimes it is a place as well.) I have written already about a piece of my sense of home- the air. There is so much more. Along the journey from the airport there are many milestones along the way which bring me home. A few include the Golden Gate Bridge, the Bay, rolling hills with oak trees, no billboards in Santa Rosa, wineries (everywhere), 1512 Owl Light Pl, fresh flowers cut from the yard in a vase by my bed (my mom is amazing), morning fog, and an evening breeze. I got off the bus at the Double Tree Inn in Rohnert Park and sat at the outside patio to wait for my mom to pick me up-- and what did I see?






Well- grapes of course. Plus- plants everywhere...



I never knew until I left that I came from one of the most beautiful places on earth. In all my traveling, I have found it hard to beat. Not that I don't love my parents- but I frequently ask them not to move. I said they at least have to wait until I 'm married... at the time I didn't realize that was the best way to guarantee them staying.


I started by visiting Dad at work. Lemo USA- not exactly his favorite. But how many people get to work in a building that looks like a space ship or R2D2?











The rest of my time there was doing as little as possible (for me). I slept in, ran, basked in the sun (resulting in a sunburn which is currently pealing), read, dined on the back deck (no longer "the" deck because my dad is currently building an additional deck off the side of the house- what can't my parents do?), and went to my favorite places (including Perry's Deli- where I left Mom waiting for me in the car while I watched the 18th hole of the US Open between Rocco and Tiger- and the Juice Shack).










Believe me- I quickly traded my pants and socks for shorts and flashy red toenails.


For father's day I baked a cake- it was one of my best. I really do like to bake- too bad baking doesn't produce the healthiest of products.




I think I ate at least half of that myself. Please appreciate the beautiful pottery- my dad has made all of those plates and bowels.




Monday we went to the beach. For me going to the beach is not as much the destination as the journey. Don't miss understand me- I love the sand between my toes- but if you were to drive Occidental road on your way out to the coast you would understand. I had my camera with me but I realized I could never capture the experience- it almost seemed like a crime to try. I chose to not miss it by looking behind a lens. Try to imagine- a two lane road winding the back roads weaving in between orchards, pastures, creeks, redwood trees, wildflowers and ferns, perfectly lined vines becoming heavy with grapes, bright blue sky, warm sun all leading to a rougher hillside with the wind bearing the unmistakable scent of the ocean. A quaint town with as much authenticity and character as anywhere you might find.




A bit of charm from Occidental



Just someone's backyard...


The Ocean is just to top it all off-


The sand felt so good- soft and warm against the cold ocean "breeze".



California Poppy


I spent some time remembering how much I enjoy playing the piano- wishing I was rich enough to buy one. I love things in life that I have no pressure to excel at- I can do it just because of the joy of it. I am finding myself more and more at peace with that concept. Life is just too short to be good at everything. Another activity along those lines is sewing. I admit it- I enjoy sewing (small easy tasks). Mom and I took up a project of sewing my own retro apron. It is the latest craze you know... It was fun. We took a couple "candid" photos.

I mean really- how much cuter can you get- especially considering we did it without a pattern. (We thought $15 for a pattern was a bit excessive.)

Before I knew it- it was time to get back on the Airport Express and head home. It was just barely long enough. Least I am remiss- I must mention a highlight always- going to church and seeing the faces I grew up with. I feel so much love from those that watched over and cared for me- teaching me the gospel by word and as living examples. They are truly sincere when they ask about my life and say how happy they are to see me.
Home reminds me of who I am. It is a place where I am good enough, smart enough and I don't have to prove anything. I came home because I needed to hit the reset button. There is no better place and I received exactly what I was looking for.

Antelope Island: AKA Photo Shoot

In honor of Erika's birthday a whole crew went off to frolic at Antelope Island. (3 weeks ago?) Ever since I house sat for my friends in Layton- off Antelope Island Exit- I have wanted to go. But like so many places and things in my life... I had never gotten around to it. I have been to Utah almost every year of my entire life and had never touched the Great Salt Lake. I thought that was unacceptable- right along with my having never been to the Southern Utah parks. This was my chance! But... I was in conflict. The girls had planned a movie party for that night- a showing of North and South (a great movie based on the book by Elizabeth Gaskel). I felt it was important to support them. After some gentle prodding however, I was convinced that in my heart I really wanted to be out in nature with friends checking a destination off my list. So instead of riding my bike home from the Stake BBQ to help with the party, I rode my bike home to be picked up by Quinn to join in on the adventure. I must say I do not regret the choice. It was a great time- aside from the bugs and seagull carcasses. Amongst the crowd there ended up being quite a few cameras- some of them fancier than others... Some of the best pictures came out of that night. Below is only a handful of those taken.






3 girls in Warrior II







We started by playing in the water... I managed a few amazing skips after a little coaching.


Then we moved on to a hike to make it to the ridge just in time for sunset.










Nate Cannon rocked the house with these two pictures. There are many more amazing pictures where these came from on his blog or facebook.







The sunset was spectacular. I was amazed at how the colors continued to contrastly deepen and brighten all at the same time.







Dallas Graham took the picture of me below that is truly one of the first pictures I think reflects me. I suppose that is why he is a professional photographer.




The night ended with a campfire.. I love campfires. Quinn expressed her undying devotion to hot dogs during the ride up -especially emphatic about hot dogs roasted over a campfire. I don't consider myself a hot dog fan but her enthusiasm convinced me to put it to the test. I must say, I cannot remember eating such a fine hot dog before.
As the guitar was being pulled out the Ranger showed up. It was decidedly dark by this time meaning we were supposed to have vacated the Island by then. Nate stepped up to the plate and went out to meet the Ranger before she got to us. I was dutifully impressed how Nate managed (with the help of his curls and dazzling smile I am sure) to win over the Ranger. Her tone started as "don't mess you are breaking the rules" and within a matter of minutes he had her laughing and agreeing to give us another half hour. Alas, my ride was leaving before I could enjoy that half hour. I admit it was hard to pull myself away from the guitar. I love it when men sing and play the guitar well. It is a known fact that most girls discover someone to be attractive whom they never thought as cute before if/when these skills are demonstrated. Heaven help us when they are attractive before the guitar comes out...

All in all a most pleasant night (especially after I showered, the lake is most fragrant). I saw an antelope and rabbits but sadly missed the bison that charged at Ashley's car. Now I just need to take a trip to southern Utah.

Breathing Deeply

I stepped off the plane Friday in Oakland and made my way outside to wait for the bus. As I walked into the morning air and sunshine I instinctively started to take some deep breaths. The air is different everywhere in the world and there is no air I love more than I find in the Golden State. Northern is a hands down no contest better to Southern but even there as you approach the beach it feels of home. As I started to breathe, I noticed I felt lighter. As if someone had taken a weight off my shoulders and it was easier to just be. I could tell I had come home. Perhaps there is confounding data because going home does mean that I am on vacation... But there is a physical sensation of ease from the very air I breath here. Winding through the back roads to get home, I had the window down and was soaking in my California rays. I marveled to myself (as I do every time) how good the air smells in Santa Rosa. Eucalyptus! I exclaimed, that is one of the smells of home. I had never realized it. Mom just laughed at me and said I was fun.
On my run today, (the only productive thing I did all day. Which for the record, is exactly what I had planned. For these 5 days I've planned to be doing as little as possible.) I returned yet again to the air around me. What makes it sooo good? Grass, oak trees, maple trees, lots of trees, flowers abundant, and a touch of ocean even 30 miles away. Regardless, if you haven't tried Sonoma County air I highly recommend it. Andrea will vouch for me on that. She spent years listening to me rave about home. It wasn't until she came and experienced it for herself that she believed. Now, she raves about this little slice of heaven and needs a yearly fix of her own.

Guess Who?

One of my dear dancing friends is Liz Dibble. We danced together at BYU and amazingly enough, meet up last year here in Salt Lake after we had scattered to various parts of the country. Last October we danced together in a show for the opening of SugarSpace. Then in January I had a voice mail from a David Dibble- her husband. (who I only briefly met after our performance.) He is an artist and was working on a project for an art gallery and was hoping I would be willing to model for it. I think my jaw dropped at that moment. Someone wanted to paint me? I have always held a secret wish to be painted- but thought it most unlikely. And... he was willing to pay me for my time. I felt like manna had just dropped from heaven. His project is a series of paintings representing the 4 seasons. Each season has a head shot and a full body painting. How did he know that spring is my favorite season? I almost giggled when I heard I would represent spring.
I never realized how uncomfortable I am in front of a camera until I spent almost 2 hours with one more or less in my face. Perhaps the fact that it was someone I didn't know staring me down with a critical eye... But then, I came to actually have fun when he shot the full body poses. I know that was because I wasn't looking at the camera and it was more like I was dancing.
On Saturday on Antelope Island I was talking to Dallas Graham and he asked if I would participate in his daily documentary project. He is a professional photographer and his latest project is to interview, write, and photograph someone everyday for a year and then posts it on his blog. It reminded me of an earlier photo shot I had this year... Curious, I got online today to see if there was anything on David's website...

Can you believe it? It's me- painted!

I can't wait to see what the full posed picture looks like. I wonder what he chose after so many costumes and poses. I must say it was a little difficult to think warm spring thoughts that night because it was about 10 degrees outside in the midst of a winter storm. But I am more than pleased with how this one turned out. I am still smiling about it.