I heard a quote last week stating "God will never stop bringing you trials". Oddly enough, I found these words to be comforting. The comfort I felt was an immediate reaction without understanding and I found myself pondering- why. Perhaps it spoke peace because I heard "God will never give up on you" and I heard "it's okay that you struggle- frequently. God purposefully designed a path filled with obstacles". And I realize, some obstacles take a little longer than others to overcome. Like a rock climbing route you keep getting stuck on or falling on. Every time you attempt you learn something new. It may take time building strength, technique, and/or an outsiders perspective (plus multiple attempts) before the route is completed. The only failure in that situation is would be giving up, not the multiple "unsuccessful" attempts. I don't believe God only gives us routes he expects us to successfully climb the first attempt. In fact, occasionally he ups the ante (which unfortunately is frequently our own poor use of free agency) bringing us face to face with the stark reality that we need even more work than previously imagined.
And so here I am, facing the looking glass with a much clearer picture of the person in front of me than before. One can go a long time assuming they look just fine until their path crosses a mirror and they discover black seeds in their teeth, mascara smeared around their eyes, and hair looking like it was styled by Medusa's stylist. There are two responses optional- one, wish you had never come in contact with the mirror because ignorance was bliss and you were much happier before. Or two, be grateful for the mirror because now you can do something about the situation and save further embarrassment. Being a rather indecisive person-always opting for all of the above- for example at Cafe Rio when they ask for black or pinto beans I ask for half and half... I usually experience a combination of the two, both regret and gratitude for the new discovery.
I discovered, from my latest crossing with the looking glass, that I not as far along as I would like to fancy myself. Being faced with a decision, I was in turmoil because what I wanted and what I believe God wanted were in opposition. I know enough to know that choosing God's path is always the best plan. But... But... But... I lost. Simply summed up, I lost. I lost because "I"- in all its ego and pride overpowered and I chose my own way. That my friends, has always and will always be, a loss. Now as I sit and deal with the consequences of my actions(never worth it) I am looking more clearly at who I am. A personal reality check. My fears, desires, and pride have deeper and thicker roots than I understood before. My roots of faith and willingness to submit to the will of the Lord are more shallow than I had hoped.
So I think it is safe to say I took a fall on my climbing route and I lost some hard earned height. I only hope that when I get back to where I was, I successfully navigate the climb. Oh, and peace of mind, is worth millions.
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Quotes
"You are what your deep, driving desire is. As your desire is, so is your will. As your will is, so is your deed, as your deed is, so is your destiny." Brihadaranyaka Upanishad 4.5 (Translated by Eknath Easwaran.).
"Until one is committed, there is hesitancy, the chance to draw back, always ineffectiveness concerning all acts of initiative and creation. There is one elementary truth the ignorance of which kills countless ideas and splendid plans: that the moment one definitely commits oneself, then providence moves too. All sorts of things occur to help one that would never otherwise have occurred. A whole stream of events issues from the decision, raising in one’s favor all manner of unforeseen incidents and meetings and material assistance which no man could have dreamed would have come his way. Whatever you can do or dream you can, begin it. Boldness has genius, power and magic in it. Begin it now." Goethe
" I have come to the frightening conclusion that I am the decisive element. It is my personal approach that creates the climate. It is my daily mood that makes the weather. I possess tremendous power to make a life miserable or joyous. I can be a tool of torture or an instrument of inspiration. I can humiliate or humor, hurt, or heal. In all situations, it is my response that decides whether a crisis will be escalated or de-escalated, and a person humanized or de-humanized. If we treat people as they ought to be, we help them become what they are capable of becoming." Goethe
"Being committed to place ourselves in an environment that we know will make us grow and teach us about our deepest selves builds character, strength, and courage. We soon find ourselves in the habit of growth and find that "we’ve arrived" by our mere presence on the path. We find ourselves at home in the heat of our own refinement." Scott Moore
"The last thing the world needs is another perfect Downward Facing Dog pose. What the world does need is another open heart." Judeth Lasater
2 comments:
I like the mirror analogy. I may use it with your permission.
of course you have my permission- i do however charge a usage fee... =)
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