Random Thoughts

Wednesday night is an exercise night. The general plan is dance class Mon night, run on Wed, Yoga Fri night (or perhaps now Saturday morning...), and hopefully if all the stars align some sort of exercise on Sat (bike ride, climbing, etc). This week has so far been a loss- I had a dinner for work in Ogden on Mon night. (That means no dancing... which also means not so happy Heather) We met with Richard Quincy the medical director for the USSA (US ski and snowboard association). 6 of us in our clinic provided support for the various teams around the world this season. Our clinic is looking to provide even more therapy and medical care for the USSA in the future. The meeting was good, dinner ok, and now I am going to rehab some skiers in Park City on one of my days off. And, I may just end up at the top of some more mountains freezing, waiting for someone to crash this next winter. I am left thinking, I should have spent some more time on the slopes so I actually know how to get down the mountain a little better. Oh well. I joked to Emily once that I must be doomed to marry a skier and I am being put on the mountain for his sake. All fine and good by me as long as he learns how to dance- Swing preferably but I'm not picky- country, ballroom, latin... some sort of partner dance. It is the easiest way to keep me happy.

So where was I? Oh yeah. So my exercise week is already thrown off and I can feel it. The problem is that I feel sluggish as a result and I don't want to get on the treadmill. (There was a slight whine to the end of that last sentence. Did you hear it?) But never fear, once I have a little more space between me and my dinner I will run. Running is not technically "enjoyable" to me. I like anything active so it isn't death to me and I do like to sprint, but not run and run and run. I wasn't built to run. 3 miles and I'm done. But I am surrounded at work by runners- marathoners and ironman triathletes. I frequently feel lazy and pathetic when I hear about their runs. But to each their own- they can't kick their head. (somehow I think running a marathon is much cooler and more functional than kicking their head- unless they are kicking someone else's head...) And that is all I have to say about that...

Final topic of the night- completely unrelated to the rest- What does a girl have to do to get a date around here? Ok so "around here" just sounds better than get a date- which is the case in general, no matter where I have lived. Not dating really is not that bad- which is a good thing because I would be very frustrated in life if that wasn't the case. I admit I date more than some... but not by much. A handful a year- more if you count blind dates, but even those have been scarce these days. I am busy and happy doing my own thing but some days I am left pondering- why am I not going out? I always have said that 90% of the dates are done by 10% of the girls. So what qualities put you into the 10% category? I still remember talking to a friend in high school- I wondered why I was never asked out. He said," Heather you are the kind of girl guys want to marry, not date." Only problem is... you have to date to get married. I'm not keen on arranged marriages (although when I am really frustrated I think that may not be such a bad idea.) So again I ask, what's a girl gotta do? And I ask that rather honestly. What is the difference? I am not intending to remain in perpetual singledom, I just don't know what to do to change the tide. I have been told I'm too intimidating- too educated, too smart, too successful, too spiritual, too... I'm sorry. I am not willing to halt my progression and be less because guys don't want an accomplished woman. What did you want me to do with all my time? And to all my accomplishments- there is a much longer list of weaknesses, inadequacies, and insecurities. Everyone displays their strengths, it is a mistake to overestimate people by what you see. So I petition any readers of this blog-- any thoughts? I draw the line at making cookies... that is the last piece of dignity I have left. I have crossed the line on most other "I will never...to get a date" statements (within my standards and values mind you).

Hoping to hear from you all soon... I'm off to run.

The Lord is Mindful of Me

I had absolutely no intention of making my blogs spiritual in nature. I am surprised at how much I have already written that is spiritual or religious in nature. Not everything I do is spiritual its just that these experiences stand out to me and have an urgency to be recorded. Far more important to me than the fact that I only saw 8 pts today because 5 cancelled- some(most) are getting better and others I'm still pondering how to help them. Some days I feel smart and capable- perhaps even good- and others I feel like a failure at work. It is always amazing to me how 1 failure completely overshadows everyone else that is doing better. But I digress.

Not that I thought letting go would be easy... I am just frustrated that I was right about how hard it is. I am constantly returning to where I started. I was particularly frustrated tonight and informed the powers to be of my dilemma. -- Then I started getting ready for tomorrow. I had debated whether or not to go to the ward temple baptisms in the morning. Plenty of pros and cons- well, sleep being the primary con. I can easily justify to myself not going because I spend 6 hours a week as it is in the temple. But somehow the temple won out. Because I have to go straight to work afterwards I pulled out a bag to pack somethings to enable me to get ready at the temple. In the process I opened a side pocket and found some papers. Not just any papers mind you... there was a receipt inside that I had been looking for for a month. Somehow I manage to get on a "suspicious" list for my FSA. (flex spending account) For every "purchase" this year from blood lab tests to prescriptions filled I have received a letter demanding a receipt as proof of acceptable FSA use. In the mail today was my third and final notice stating that if I don't turn in my pharmacy receipt then they will bill me the $80 charge. Honestly, I had given up trying to find the receipt. I knew I didn't throw it away, but it wasn't to be found. I was slightly stunned when while putting things together for the temple I found the receipt. This isn't a bag I use much and a week later would have been too late. As I looked at the receipt, (which I never even prayed for help to find) I gained the peace and comfort I needed. I knew God had given me a gift to tell me he is mindful of me and my needs even though I can't always see it. He hears and answers my prayers. I had prayed tonight that I may in my scripture reading find a story to remember- to help and strengthen me. Instead, he gave me my own story. Small and simple as it may be- yet, it is by small and simple things that great things come to pass.

2 Quick Things

1. I failed to write down the names of the girls I visit teach- Robin Openshaw, Ashley Stolworthy, and Karin Steed.

2. New thought: "True peace can only come from within. We are doomed for sadness if we base our happiness on things that are constantly changing." (Korean Monk)

The Weekend

I apologize in advance for what I fear this blog will be. Time is pressing. I have much I want to document and not enough time to do it justice. So disclaimer- please forgive grammar, spelling, poor wit, and anything else you may find lacking more so than usual.



I love having Fridays off. This blessed schedule started in late Feb?, I really don't remember exactly when, and has been the greatest thing since I decided that working full time isn't all that it's cracked up to be. This Friday started off with an acupuncture appointment- I am doing so well that it may be my last one for a long time. At least I hope, it's not cheap. The funny part of that appointment was the night before I had a long conversation with my mother discussing how difficult a time I am having organizing my "stress" so I see clearly. She mentioned asking my acupuncturist if there was anything he could do to help. (don't have time to explain more). Well, I didn't ask... but there was one specific needle he put in that had a lot of "motion" with it. I felt a lot of energy shifting. (crazy as it sounds, if you don't believe me, try acupuncture for yourself, then talk to me) I asked him about this point- oh, that's your third eye point- it helps shift perspective and see things more clearly. What are the odds...

Nothing too exciting for the rest of the morning- chores- laundry, cleaning, grocery shopping... I was going to start my garden but I ended up talking to my aunt Marilyn (a master gardener) and she said to wait until mid May. Fine by me, I sat down and read some of Les Mis instead. (I'll finish it one day.) The exciting part of the day is coming. First I finally got my very own Costco membership. I have wanted to be a member for maybe 10 years, never talked myself into making the trip and spending the money. It was a happy day. I am finally learning to live my life. To celebrate, I bought 2 hanging flower baskets (they look sooo good on the front porch, the colors match the house. I love flowers. I especially growing flowers. I always sad that if I had to go back to school for something else I would study horticulture. If I had to go back to school and study what would be the hardest (for me) yet most valuable- English.) I bought Enchanted- I can't help but love that movie, and a big bag of almonds. Thrilling huh- aren't you glad your reading all this.



I finished my shopping in time to join Emily for a night at the Ballet. Sounds refined and sophisticated doesn't it. Emily bought season tickets and has taken Anya or I with her (she is the greatest). For all my love of dancing and the six years of ballet focused training you would think I would like the ballet more than I do. But there is a little PTSD associated with ballet for me. (I am happy to report that I wasn't much effected by it last night.) You see, for all it's grace, beauty, and refinement there is an ugly side of ballet. A side I tasted too much of- there is still a lingering aftertaste. I remember tears streaming down my face at the bar after another harsh correction, not ever feeling good enough, thin enough, or talented enough. Learning to critique yourself and others just as harshly. Battles with eating disorders that never really go away. Blistered painful feet, hardly able to walk the next day,- which resulted in painful joints to this day. Backbiting and politics. Everything superficial. Yes, I also have memories of moments of grace. I enjoy the disciple and the feeling of accomplishment coming from correctly executing a combination. But, is there any wonder why I became a modern dancer? I really need to write a blog just on that sometime. Anyway, the Balanchine piece was beautiful classic ballet- but honestly, I got a little bored- clean lines and formations is not enough for me. The men's piece- really technically difficult but I want my men to be manly when they dance. Twyla Twarp's Nine Sinatra Songs fun with a great message- I did it my way. We are all unique- be true to yourself. Finally the piece I loved- Hamlet and Ophelia pas de deux. What can I say- I'm a sucker for a tortured love story. (courtesy of life) That dance was filled with art, emotion, movement,-- everything I could ask for.



Saturday- Temple, I found out Friday night I was needed to finish off the month at my Saturday shift. I had great plans for the morning, but they will wait until next week. I was in charge of the main floor. I checked in 24 own endowments and 27 couples for sealings in less than 5 hours. Needless to say, we were busy. The highlight from yesterday was getting my bike tire fixed and a helmet then taking a ride. I am out of shape but I was happy. Growing up I loved to ride my bike. I rode almost everyday, until... the helmet law. Being the child I was I did not want to ask my parents to spend money on me. I never asked for a helmet, I just stopped riding. After nearing 12-15 years, I am finally getting back to what I loved.



Sunday- Hooray, I just might make it through I have five minutes before I have to go. This morning I had the girls I visit teach over for breakfast. They are so great, I had to take a picture to keep them in remembrance for always.




So the question that must be asked is why? Why did I write this blog? There were things in it that I felt were important for me to write about me and I want to remember specific things. Anyone who reads this may not be able to understand what or why what I wrote was important. But I know why. And in the end, that is all that matters.

Just For You Dad

Dear Dad,
I want you to know I changed my color scheme on my blog just for you... There was no other reason. So you can't say I never did anything for you or that I don't love you. =)

Love,
Your devoted daughter

Bless His Heart

I have, sadly enough, rented for 12 years now. I moved almost every year until I became a resident of The John Henry Smith House. Amazingly enough, I am approaching 3 1/2 years here. There is one thing all renters have in common... landlords. 12 years of renting has been 12 years of various landlords. Landlords come in all "shapes and sizes" and range in the "for better or for worse" scale. My current landlord, who we will call BB, is a conundrum. All attempts to understand how his brain works are futile and only leaves one stumped, frustrated, and quite confused. "Huh?" is a frequent occurrence when discussing actions and conversations of BB. I am quite sad that I have failed to document these experiences because the compilation of them all would be most entertaining. Alas, hindsight is 20/20. But to my great joy, I have a BB story that occurred today that I am happy to share.

Last week I walked to the back of the house to get the lawn mower, excited that spring is winning the fight over winter enough to start a chore of summer. But when I got there, there was no lawn mower. Slightly confused, I mentioned it to Emily. She stated that BB picked up the lawn mower awhile ago. Huh, I thought, he didn't mention anything to me. (The lease is my name.) Well today I look out and think, we have a jungle growing. I can't stand it. I hate calling and talking to BB but it had to be done. I got his voice mail- I simply stated that the lawn was getting terrible and needs to be cut but we have no lawn mower. A couple of hours later I get a call from BB. I was on the phone with my aunt and didn't really want to talk to him so I let my voice mail pick it up. This is the message he leaves- Heather I have bad news, the house is no longer in contract to be sold, we have to start showing the house again. I am going to be having someone come by soon for an estimate on air conditioning. And I really need you to mow the lawn, it is getting too long and it's your responsibility. Thanks BB.-- What? Did he really just say that after I just called about it? So I call him back and we have a little chat, obviously he hadn't listened to my message. -- Oh, yeah I forgot I took back the lawn mower, I was going to fix the cord and never got around to it.-- All I could think was... Classic. Bless his heart.

Letting Go

Last night while driving home from work, I had a pleasant chat with my parents. They are doing very well, if you were wondering. My mother’s original musical "Guinevere" premiered and was a hit. (As if anyone who knows my mother would doubt. She doubts herself, but we don’t. My mother is amazing, very creative, and excellent in inspiring others. I may look like her but I did not inherit her creativity.) Sometime during this conversation I commented on a particular emotional strain that I have been "enduring" and stated that something’s gotta give soon. Once off the phone I keep pondering my statement "something’s gotta give". I realized that was more true than I had previously admitted to myself. The problem being- I know how I want it to give and unfortunately that is not how it will give. Something is bound to break and if I continue in my current course- it is going to be me. Crazy enough, I’m not too interested in breaking right now. So now what?

I decided to spend sometime pondering/meditating on the situation. Sitting still, in general, is not a strong suit of mine. Sitting still when I am a bit anxious… next to impossible. Ask my roommates, they know. Fortunately, with the help of yoga, I had some practice behind me. All that breathing in of the ether is really starting to pay off. (Yes Emily, that last sentence was just for you…) It was work to sit still and breathe. When I first became still, my breathing and heart rate actually increased. My mind did not want to face the stress I had pushed aside by staying busy. At times, remaining in silence and stillness is the hardest thing to do. I thought it was going to be impossible to be still enough to think clearly. But I didn’t run away, I sat through it, breathed and eventually became calm. (Miracles never cease.)

I am often amazed at the inspiration that can come by being willing to be still. It enables us to tap into a deeper wisdom and knowledge that lingers just below the surface. (I’m sure the prayer I said before hand didn’t hurt either.) A story my roommate Kristin told me on Sunday came to mind. She was hiking with a friend and got caught in a sticky situation. Clinging on to a cliff, trying not to fall off, her only option to not fall and die was to take the hand of someone above her. This required her to let go of her hold, push up, and reach her arm up hoping her friend caught her (and all didn’t tumble over the cliff together). She was not too fond of the solution, but realized she couldn’t control, fix, or change anything herself. Holding on was only fatiguing her, eventually, she would give out- she had to let go. And that was the answer to my dilemma - Let Go.

Holding on to something beyond my control and willing things to change before their time (stressing out that it isn’t happening on my timetable) has been fatiguing me. Falling was less if and more when. Currently, I am powerless to change my situation and I know I have done everything I can about it- I have to let it go and trust in the Lord’s hands. But… letting go is really, really hard. Usually, it involves "losing" control and trusting someone else. I encounter this everyday at work. I repeat the words "relax", "let go", "let me do it" all day long. It is difficult to entrust an arm, leg, head… whatever, to someone else, especially when it is in pain. However, if my patients learn to let me move it, it hurts a lot less and healing happens much faster.

Since my epiphany last night, two marvelous things have happened. 1. I slept great last night. 2. I feel so much lighter and happier. I know I will have to continually work on it. It usually takes several reminders the first visit for my patients to relax and let go as the tension creeps back in. But, every visit, the reminders generally become less and less. Practice makes perfect- right?

Just for clarification- letting go does not mean quitting. For me it means being at peace with the process, not making it about my will and timetable, and trusting in God.


"…give up your feeling of responsibility, let go your hold, resign the care of your destiny to higher powers, be genuinely indifferent as to what becomes of it all. A greater self is there." William James

SPLURGE!

The girls and I hit the town last night- no holding back. We went for it. Now, there are many different definitions of "hitting the town", to stop any wayward minds... we went out to dinner. But it wasn't just any "out to dinner" night. We finally made reservations at Cucina Toscana. Something we've talked about for too long. (For those of you who aren't in the "know", this is frequently quoted as the best Italian restaurant in SLC, if not the best restaurant period.) The smiles started from the parking lot- where the parking lot attendant's gesturing, body language and then accent clearly marked him as "not from the US"- but straight from Italy. Our table happened to be right next to the owners family. His son was home from college and he made a big show of feeding his wife and son while greeting all his guests- (which continued to be the high-rollers of Salt Lake.) Our waiter Wyatt was excellent- but maybe too excellent, because he was the one the owner constantly pulled aside to do things for him or his family- which consequently left us waiting from time to time. But the food... This particular night, at least for me, was a celebration of my new freedom to eat. It was worth every piece of plain brown rice to enjoy the amazing culinary expertise we experienced last night. Caesar salad prepared table side, fettuccine, ravioli, and a fruit sauce pork, followed of course by dessert- chocolate molten cake on top of gelato and a cannoli. Divine. I have not been that "round" from eating in a very long time. I might have gained back a few pounds from that one meal alone. Yes, the bill was... more... but the experience! Nothing beats a night on the town with the girls. They are the best company and friends I could ask for.

(of course we forgot our cameras, Anya got a few on her phone so perhaps she will post some on her blog. I am sad- because let's face it. Blogs with out pictures are mostly boring.)

The Date

On Easter I promised to take my niece Jody bowling. Just her and I. Finally I got my act together and made it to Lehi for our date. Apparently, Andrea (my sister-in-law) had to intervene to keep Jody from calling me everyday this week to confirm our date. She was up, dressed, and ready to go by 8am. I wasn't coming until noon. She was a little excited.
Look below to see some of the fun.


The Pink Princess striking a Pose.
(Jody's favorite color has always been pink- and she needs no cuing to pose for the camera)

We started off the bowling extravaganza with the ramp for kids- after a while Jody ditched the ramp and went with her own brute 6 year old strength- the ball went slower but better.

Just the two of us!

This video is the bowling frame #9. Jody got a spare. But that was not good enough for her. In the last frame Jody topped it off with a strike using a "run and toss" method. In the end the score was Jody 107 and Aunt Heather 124. (We won't mention the bumpers for Jody.)

Of course there had to be ice cream to top off the date. Jody was very specific- vanilla with oreos mixed in.

Thanks for the date Jody. I love being your aunt!

Miracles

1. I ate 2 oranges last night with only the amazing sensation of juicy sweetness in my mouth. (and maybe a little on my face and hands- they were juicy oranges.) This means I am officially off my diet and it worked!!! I had an apple Tuesday night as the first thing I ate when I was done. Divine- that is all that can be said. I have been "slowly" adding foods back in. I admit, I was nervous to try an orange- it took a couple days to work up the courage. But... it couldn't have been better. Last night was priceless.

2. AKA mysterious ways. This miracle is unfolding not complete and I just happen to be a witness to a portion of it. As a PT I have the pleasure of working with the general public. I admit that prior to being a PT I thought I understood what "general public" meant. I had no idea how limited my paradigm was. It is by no means easy to treat everyone equally at work. 90% of the time yes- 10% no. And that 10% will test your patience and character. Several months ago I started treating "Jane Smith". As the visits progressed the more and more I dreaded seeing her name on my schedule. After one particular visit I was downright angry and angry is not a common emotion for me. I was so happy when we agreed to change her to a HEP (home exercise program). But sure enough she calls back saying she just can't do it on her own and needs me. Negative, opinionated, anti-mormon, self- elevating, and blames all her woes on someone else. I tried to detact myself and not care, but she always got under my skin. Ok, so I'm sure your wondering where is the miracle- I'm getting to it I promise.

On Tuesday "Jane" broke down into tears sobbing. Emotional breakdowns are a common occurance in all forms of therapy. But I felt prompted to tell her something I normally would keep to myself at work. I looked her in the eyes and told her she needed to pray. Not what an anti-mormon is lookin gto hear from a mormon. Yesterday she came back for her next visit. I was shocked when while I was working with her she told me she took my advice- she prayed. On previous visits I've heard all about how those damned mormon missionaries keep coming over to her house- asking her why she doesn't go to church any more and if something happened in the past. Her response is yes many things have happened but I don't want to talk to you about it. Well, she started telling me about her long list of complaints and problems which she had encountered. I had experiences from my past which previously I could not understand the point of that helped me talk to her. I learned that afternoon that the Lord is anxious to help and guide his children. He loves us even when we do not love him and is always working in our behalf. The previous months of my frustration had been a tool enabling her to trust me and allowed the Lord to reach out to her in a way no one else had been able to. I only hope that this is the tip of the miracle and she continues in the path she has begun- prayer.

Steven Koester

One of my favorite dance concerts ever was choreographed by Steven Koester. I was enthralled. I loved the motion; release, contrasted by sharp lines of classical technique. It was visually stimulating, emotionally captivating, and fun. I found myself moving in my seat with the dancers. Last night I understood more fully why I loved the concert so much. I took a dance class taught by him last night. Although a little awkward putting a new movement style onto my body- I loved it. It made kinesthetic sense to me and I felt alive. Even more than usual for dancing. Not all dance is created equal, especially not all forms of modern dance. His style just felt like it fit on me. I can only imagine how it would feel after a few more classes when his movement style is no longer new to me. Hopefully fates will align and I can take more soon. I was sweaty, red faced, lungs burning, and had difficulty making it up the stairs at home afterwards- just the way I like it. I will not push myself that hard doing anything else. So Hooray! and Praise the Lord for chances to live life more fully!

oops

I am still figuring out this whole formatting thing. I apologize for the horrendous format below. It kinda destroyed the whole blog. So if you are struggling the first line reads...

This week marks one year since I started working in the Salt Lake Temple...

I'll get it right sooner or later~

Double Portion

This weeks marks one year since I started working in the Salt Lake Temple as an ordinance worker. I am stunned- a whole year, I cannot believe I made it this long. Nearly every Saturday for a year, I have woken up at 4am to be at the temple by 5am for a 6 hour shift. In the winter it is frigid walking two blocks at 5am. (Not to mention and additional Wed am shift from April to November last year) Despite the hour and lack of Saturday freedom it is the best thing I have ever done for my life. I love who I have become since working in the temple. There are no words to describe it. Nothing else could have gotten me out of bed for a year at 4am.

However, a change is upon me. This last week I felt a strong prompting to change from my Saturday shift- with a sense of urgency behind it. As a result, next week will be my last Saturday am shift. I actually cried when I handed Sister Monson my shift change request form. If God smiles down upon me I will be able to pick up Friday am instead. (I am not ready to give up working in the temple, I love it too much.) I have suspicions as to why I needed this change, but only time will tell. There is some mourning over what I am leaving behind (a lot more to come if I can't transfer to another shift), but a lot of joy and excitement.

Can you imagine... my favorite yoga class Sat morning, shopping at the farmers market, climbing with friends in the canyon (they always go in the morning), sleeping in, spontaneous road trips, staying up late on Friday night, not being dead tired all day Sat...

I gave up all those things last year and I will admit it was a sacrifice- But I get them all back with a double portion. Double portion because I appreciate, value, and find more joy in "weekend activities" in a way I never could have before. Double portion also because I have received a multiplicity of blessings for my service. The Lord always gives more than our service is "worth".

Working in the temple has been the greatest blessing in my life. Although I have been endowed for 5 years- attending regularly, I didn't gain a true, deep and abiding testimony of the temple until I worked there. That is a lesson I need to remember- testimony gained by work.

Am I Alkaline Yet?

Patience, self-control, and denying appetites are apparently the lessons for the month. Anyone want to join the class? Great fun- truly...

Last month I has the pleasure of being sick for 10 days and in bed for 8 of them. My uncle (a PA) upon hearing my story said it sounded like I was one stage away from a coma. I really didn't feel that sick and am not sure how true that is... but I was- really sick. Once I was back on my feet and eating again a terrible thing happened- I couldn't eat some of my favorite things- most fruit (and a few other things). With Oranges being the worst. Ahhh!!! This was not acceptable.

So now what? Well after some investigative work a hypothesis was formed. I am caustic. Or at least- from being so pleasantly sick my pH balance became too low- creating an acidic environment- causing a number of complications. So the solution is simple- become basic. How hard can that be? Famous last words.

All I have to do is follow a simple candida diet (google it and be amazed at how much info there is on it) and take a natural supplement 2x a day. Spit in a cup to test your progress. (You don't really want to know about the spit test...) Sure no problem, I can do anything for a week... 2nd set of famous last words.

It will be 2 weeks on Friday- lifestyle change sums up this experience. I can eat only a handful of things- vegetables, oatmeal (plain and no milk), brown rice (no soy sauce), almonds, goat products, non-marinated grilled chicken and fish.

No sugar period that means no fruit, honey, etc. No vinegar, wheat products, processed food... Easier to focus on what I can eat. The real kicker- 30 days typical minimum. You know you have been off sugar when you taste the juice from kidney beans and think- wait a minute that is sweet. Only to look at the can find it was canned with sugar and not be able to eat it. I will say it has been a great weight loss program. No fat, carbs or sugar.

But as with most trials there are hidden blessings. I am creating great habits. Preparing (very healthy) meals and planning ahead. Not that I eat unhealthy- just not this healthy. When I comes to cooking, I am notoriously lazy. I have cooked more these last two weeks than perhaps all year. In the beginning, I could not create anything appetizing. All of my favorite seasoning/flavoring choices were taken from me. But the only thing I learned in my dance improv class in college has proved to be true again. Creativity flourishes with restrictions- not limitless possibilities. This week I have found great joy and excitement in new creations I never would have found otherwise. I am reminded that there really is a part of me that gets excited and enjoys cooking. (Amazing)

And just in case you were wondering-

goat cheese goes with everything...

I'll be honest 2 more weeks is daunting- I'm hoping to beat the odds and start adding more foods in sooner. But if I can eat whatever I want in the end, it will have been worth it. (We won't think about the possibility of all this work to have no change in the end.) Until then I am dreaming of a fruit salad, whole wheat toast with butter and honey, whole wheat pancakes with syrup and fruit on top, curry, taco salad, and maybe even a bite of chocolate.

Freedom

Freedom is

expanding and contracting through space

movement expressing emotion and life

challenge drawing forth sweat and breath

present only to the moment of motion

Freedom is dancing

East Meets West

I am a physical therapist. As such, I am very much schooled in the Western thought and philosophy of medicine. I attended the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill for my graduate degree in PT. Carolina is one of the top medical schools in the country. The PT school was rated 3rd in the country at the time I attended. (I’ll be honest, after attending the PT school I may have a differing opinion, but that is a subject for later). Research, best evidence, and science was engrained into our open minds as we honestly sought how to best help people heal. In school we were informed of "alternative" health options patients may seek. The purpose behind these lectures was to inform us of the "non-research", "non-science", and "other" options patients may seek and to be non-condemning of their choices. We were informed these options generally will do no harm and if they believe that x, y, or z is helping them, why deny then of it. (Placebo’s work) I left school with "sure knowledge". Believe it or not, August marks my 5th anniversary graduating from PT school. In the short span of 5 years my "sure knowledge" has become- a good place to start. Research, best evidence, and science are integral to my practice- but as the years and patients have passed the more I have witnessed they are tools and do not explain, guide, or help everyone. People are more complex and respond in multiple ways depending on past, present, and future. I have witnessed the overlapping effects of mind, body, and spirit. Truly, you cannot do anything to one and have it not effect the others. Through my own experiences seeking medical help and attempting to help my patients negotiate through our Western medicine, I have frequently pondered that there has to be more...
I often marvel at the hand of the Lord in my life. He has and continues to lead me in paths and directions I doubt I would take if left to myself. As with any health practitioner there are good ones and bad ones. Careful choice must be made when entrusting your health to others. From working in the system, I tell you there are surgeons I wouldn’t let near me with a spoon and yet they perform surgeries everyday. Last year, through what I felt was inspiration and guidance of the Lord, I started to see an Acupuncturist. Now I joke that I have a testimony of two things- the temple and acupuncture because they are the two things that have changed my life. My health- mind, body, and spirit are in a state I hardly dared believe was possible. I have since discovered even more homeopathic avenues to health. This has not been without opposition- my own traditions of learning, family and friends counsel me against these "alternative" methods. But I have found a part of the "more" I am seeking. I am not saying that acupuncture, homeopathic or Eastern medicine are the cure alls to everything. I am saying that knowledge and wisdom is not the sole possession of Western medicine. "Science" doesn’t know everything. East and West each have something the other does not. I can only imagine the freedom and healing that could occur if east were to meet west in our quest to heal.

Honorable Mentions

Emily reminded me of other names that deserve to be memorialized. This list is not complete- either from the past or to what the future may hold. These names bring many smiles and memories- as I am sure you may only imagine.
Long Hair Boy Bless His Heart
The Polygamist
Frying Pan Guy
Conference Girl
Ballerina Girl
Bruce Jr

AKA

The Girls!!!

Anya Bybee, Heather McOmber, Kristin Yee, Emily Utt

In our house, we have a fondness for nicknames and acronyms. Usually, it is a compliment to be deemed other than your given name. For whatever the reason, certain names have passed the test of time and stuck.

It all started with fast and testimony meeting... Isn't that how all good stories start? Alex Boye gave one of the most memorable testimonies I have ever heard. Admittedly, it wasn't for the profound spirit of conversion that filled the room. He did speak truth, it just wasn't your typical pulpit topic. It was all about the illusive BBD. Bigger Better Deal. Long story short- don't get caught up with the idea of a BBD and lose sight that you may already have it. (specifically on dating). Anya stands over 6 feet tall and is a natural beautiful blond. I turned to her and whispered "you are the bigger, better, deal". Immediately after that Emily sitting on the other side of Anya leaned over and whispered the same thing. All that can be said about that is... done and done. She has been the BBD or bigger better deal ever since.

The BBD

That started the revolution. My "alternate form of identification" came rather easily. Previous to the beginning of the BBD, there was an apartment joke about me that stemmed from a fortune cookie I opened. And I Quote " You shall soon achieve perfection". It was common for a comment to come out like- well it is Heather and she is nearing perfection... to explain any numerous things. As a result I am NP- or nearing perfection. I admit it is a little awkward to explain when the history behind it isn't known. But I think Mary Poppins is great company. She was practically perfect you know.

NP

The sparkling princess or SP took a little more time to unravel but once found- it was obvious and we were left wondering- what took so long? Kristin is Disney. She also has special powers. She meets people everywhere she goes- as if people are compelled to talk to her. And everyone feels like meeting her is a gift. Like the beloved princess in olden days. What is even more fascinating about this story is her work also deemed her the sparkling princess completely separate from us. Coincidence? Not when you are the sparkling princess.

Front and center- The SP

(also shown is the QB, Jordan, and a sliver of Dawn)

Finally the conundrum of Emily. Emily took time and a few failures along the way till we hit Eureka. Attempted- the JMG but it just didn't do her justice (and Anya could never get it straight. GMJ or MJG, or what was it again?) Criteria for a name included putting us in a more positive light than we otherwise would do for ourselves. At last- QB! She is the queen bee. Partially inspired by her insatiable thirst for books and the amazing speed which she can read. Who can deny that Emily is a queen? Although it must be known, she also enjoys the claiming to be the quarterback as well.

None other than the QB

Finally- there are a couple of names that are in house only... The true identity of Hans, Frans, and Fuego are to remain confidential. (don't worry, they don't know who they are either.)

That about does it... except a fun picture of the BBD and QB that I couldn't really make fit with the story but wanted to post anyway. =)

The Skinny Odds

I have a superpower. When my body gets stressed I drop weight like no ones business. Interestingly enough, my superpower to lose weight doesn't work when I am trying. Recently due to illness, stress, and complications from my illness- resulting in an obnoxious restricted diet- I have begun to disappear. People give me a lot of mixed reactions to my weight loss. I admit I have my own mixed feeling regarding the matter. It is frustrating when nothing fits. But the point behind this blog is not a psychoanalysis of my body image. --- I was discussing with Anya that I need to give in and buy some new pants. I may be on this diet longer than I expected- meaning- I won't be gaining any weight back soon. She said " Then what are you going to do? Put them in your closest for the next time you are skinny? Well some people have fat clothes, you just have skinny clothes. What are the odds?". I was so excited. It may not be the most profound "odds" moment but it still made me happy.

Prose- 2006

To Be Like A Tree

I Want my Life to be Like a Tree
Strong
Rooted
Grounded
Sure
Able to Withstand Powerful Storms with Grace
Growing
Reaching
Climbing
Striving
Opening
Expanding
Widening
Always Toward the Light
Giving
Protecting
Providing
Safe to Land, Lean, or Climb
Bear Good Fruit
Rings of Growth for Every Year
Withstand Seasons of Change with Ease
Work Through and Around Obstacles
Individual
True to Nature
Able to Stand Alone or in Community
Giving Even in Death-
Testimony
Legacy