Looking Glass

I heard a quote last week stating "God will never stop bringing you trials". Oddly enough, I found these words to be comforting. The comfort I felt was an immediate reaction without understanding and I found myself pondering- why. Perhaps it spoke peace because I heard "God will never give up on you" and I heard "it's okay that you struggle- frequently. God purposefully designed a path filled with obstacles". And I realize, some obstacles take a little longer than others to overcome. Like a rock climbing route you keep getting stuck on or falling on. Every time you attempt you learn something new. It may take time building strength, technique, and/or an outsiders perspective (plus multiple attempts) before the route is completed. The only failure in that situation is would be giving up, not the multiple "unsuccessful" attempts. I don't believe God only gives us routes he expects us to successfully climb the first attempt. In fact, occasionally he ups the ante (which unfortunately is frequently our own poor use of free agency) bringing us face to face with the stark reality that we need even more work than previously imagined.
And so here I am, facing the looking glass with a much clearer picture of the person in front of me than before. One can go a long time assuming they look just fine until their path crosses a mirror and they discover black seeds in their teeth, mascara smeared around their eyes, and hair looking like it was styled by Medusa's stylist. There are two responses optional- one, wish you had never come in contact with the mirror because ignorance was bliss and you were much happier before. Or two, be grateful for the mirror because now you can do something about the situation and save further embarrassment. Being a rather indecisive person-always opting for all of the above- for example at Cafe Rio when they ask for black or pinto beans I ask for half and half... I usually experience a combination of the two, both regret and gratitude for the new discovery.
I discovered, from my latest crossing with the looking glass, that I not as far along as I would like to fancy myself. Being faced with a decision, I was in turmoil because what I wanted and what I believe God wanted were in opposition. I know enough to know that choosing God's path is always the best plan. But... But... But... I lost. Simply summed up, I lost. I lost because "I"- in all its ego and pride overpowered and I chose my own way. That my friends, has always and will always be, a loss. Now as I sit and deal with the consequences of my actions(never worth it) I am looking more clearly at who I am. A personal reality check. My fears, desires, and pride have deeper and thicker roots than I understood before. My roots of faith and willingness to submit to the will of the Lord are more shallow than I had hoped.
So I think it is safe to say I took a fall on my climbing route and I lost some hard earned height. I only hope that when I get back to where I was, I successfully navigate the climb. Oh, and peace of mind, is worth millions.

Simple Pleasures

It is days like today that make me think I have stepped into a dream world. My new job is hard work and by day 7, my last hour of work, my legs were literally shaking I was so worn down. (being sick all week didn't help). I was shocked how exhausted I was... but its Thursday now, and baby I'm doing alright. I can't believe my new life! All the doors it opens. I have time to breathe, rest (as much as I can let myself), smile, dance, visit with friends... I just have to shake my head at because it all feels soooo good and I didn't think it was possible. I just need a to make a little more money so I can add a lot of travel to my 7 off activities.

Here are some simple pleasures that have put a smile on my face today.

Morning dance class
Hot shower
Pandora playing
Clean room, bed made
Sitting on my bed with a spread for lunch of grapes, Jarlsburg cheese, deli sliced turkey, hummus and sesame seed crackers.
AND... it is noon on a Thursday and I used to Dread Thursdays.

I have so much to catch up on blogging. I so many ponderings I want to explore and pictures of life as I know it. Not in the schedule for today however. And I worried I wouldn't have enough to do with 7 days off. I should know myself better than that! Hopefully though a few more posts will be coming soon.

So It Has Begun

Work- that is the main subject for this entry. Oh, what the days have brought! 10 working days to be exact. Lets start the tales off with a bang! I thought I was going to have to press the code blue button today... seriously. I was co-treating a patient when she decided to pass out and stop breathing. And by stop breathing I mean face go pale, then turn blue, no air moving -anywhere. The good news is that I could think clearly throughout it- no panic, but I wasn't sure the best way to handle the situation. (This I am sure is to be the beginning of emergencies and I relieved to know that I am clear headed during the moment.) After Maggie and I hefted her back onto the bed she FINALLY started to breathe again and regained consciousness. Yikes- Alls well that ends well. My back is complaining that it isn't used to this kind of "activity". As I get stronger it will get better. I, so far, really enjoy the shock trauma ICU. It is a little overwhelming but that means I won't get bored. It was hard to first hear/then see a family's reaction as a host of doctors somberly walked out of a room after losing someone. Life is already seeming much more fragile. Please wear a helmet, your seat belt, and look both ways before crossing a street- oh and don't get married to a man who will later think its a good idea to stab you 15 times later on in life. Then there was the co-treat where the patient decided to slip her hips off the edge of the bed and the two of us grab her hips and lay her head on the bed ending up in a very precarious bridge position supported solely by us. Not really the smallest of women. Thank goodness for the nurse who saved the day. Just so it is known, these were Maggie's treatments and I was there "helping". Being new I may not have tried as bold of treatments. I now understand what yellow skin from liver failure looks like. When they say yellow, they mean crayola box yellow. Amazing- I also recommend avoiding alcoholism.

But...the best story happened after work. Wednesday I was walking to the Trax station when there was a commotion I couldn't see what was going on. By the time I got there I only saw a bus driver walking along the rails looking for something which turned out to be a women's sunglasses. When they were found and returned to the woman I noticed she had blood on her pants. I looked at her and asked if she was alright. During which she explained she had just left the hospital and was given a medication making her a little dizzy, causing her to fall. But stated emphatically she was fine. Well apparently she feel off the platform and hit her head below!! As I am talking to her I notice blood start dripping/running down her neck. HELLO! You are NOT OK. As I take a closer look her hair is matted with blood- not good. I call out to the bus driver that she is not ok and needed help- asked anyone nearby at the station if they had a Kleenex or something and upon getting a Kleenex promptly used my right hand with it to apply compression to her head. I braced with my left hand to keep her head steady. Then her eyes closed! I just said- hello! hello! Can you open your eyes?! Fortunately she responded and a lovely conversation ensued. I learned her name is Karen and that she lives alone with her two dogs- they are two different breeds a Lahasa and a Shih Tzu. After which she said "so I have lotsa shit at my house" and howled with laughter. Sorry for the language, but it was really pretty funny. She works for the University Hospital and couldn't remember what she did- at that point she asked if she hit her head really hard because she was having difficulty thinking. As I am wondering what is taking the ambulance so long, my legs are going a little numb and she is frequently declaring she is fine and can just go home. I am left trying to explain why that is not going to happen without alarming her. Quite the reoccurring conversation. Typical head trauma! If you know much about head traumas you know how "head trauma" explains it all. I tried to shield as much of the potential seriousness of the situation because I wanted to avoid shock. Finally- the ambulance and fire truck showed up as I am squatting there holding the woman's head. They stand around for a minute asking questions until finally one of them asks me if I would like him to take over holding on. Hmmm... no-I enjoy my legs shaking and having bloody hands. YES! After which I was taken to the back of the ambulance to wash the blood off my hands. They gave me these certain wipes to wipe off my hands- these wipes are SERIOUS wipes. To be worn with gloves and are what we use to disinfect ANYTHING at the hospital. I may have mutated children one day because of it but, I'd rather wipe off with those than the potential consequence of the blood on my hands. I made my way back to the platform because I still needed to get on the train and stood aside and watched as they put a c-collar on her and started to get ready to transfer her to the spine board. Then she caught my eye and repeatedly mouthed thank you. That was kind of her to think of me at that moment. The paramedic who helped me wash my hands came up and informed me her blood tests came back clear, no blood borne pathogens so I could have peace of mind. Also very thoughtful. Too bad he had a ring on =) he was cute. Anya would have been in 7th heaven to have been surrounded by men in uniform like that. And then my train was there (I only missed one throughout the whole ordeal) and all there was for me to do was get on and watch them put her on the stretcher as the train pulled away.

And so it has begun... an entirely new adventure. I enjoy the broader interactions with people- it takes an army to run the hospital. I have not missed my last job for one minute yet, but my years in orthopedics has come in handy already for a variety of instances. It is fun to turn around and see my brother walking by. Watch out 2 McOmbers let lose with licenses in the hospital! I also really enjoy the nurturing side- finding the thing that creates a smile, or eases the pain a little, and finding what makes them see that I see them as a human- not a job or a diagnosis. Hopefully they will remember that more than the pain I caused by making them move. Last but surely not least, I really look forward to starting my 7 on 7 off schedule. I think that is going to be the best thing ever!

"Things Change Jo"

Last week I went with Ashely Stolworthy to see Little Women the Opera. A good friend of ours John Walker was playing one of the male leads. Through out the night a reoccurring theme was sung "things change Jo"- Jo was constantly trying to hold onto things as they were, unable or unwilling to accept the change that kept coming to her- which only caused her and others pain. Since then this has kept coming into my mind as I have felt the world swirl around me. Change is everywhere- my new job and friends moving away seems to be the majority of the swirl but I wouldn't be surprised if this is the tip of the iceberg. Sometimes I wish I could rewind to make better use of the time I had knowing what I know now, or that I can pin things down to keep them near. But, I know, all that is impossible. Thinking about Jo and how her stubbornness to keep things as is only caused misery instead of embracing the changes making possible new joy and growth, I am making a conscientious effort to look forward with optimism to the new possiblities and doors that can be opened by the twister that has barrelled through. It will be interesting to see where everything has landed when the wind finally dies down.
Overall life is good. I still feel like I am in a transition stage- that will probably last a little while longer while I am getting used to the new schedule and "finish" saying good-bye to those leaving.
I had dinner with some girlfriends not long ago and surprise surprise - dating came up. One of the girls talked about how she decided to take a more proactive role in the dating scene. Make it more objective and work at it like trying to find a job. A) use networking- ask others if they know anyone and work to make the contact, B) Be willing to go on a lot of bad dates to get a good one C) Go to parties/events and make an effort to talk to people you don't know. She is a lobbyist by profession can you see it? I am not sure I am at the point to attack it in quite the same manner -but nevertheless, her thoughts are peculating in my mind and even changed my behavior a time or two. Personally I conceded in the dating game and swallowed some pride and took the plunge into the online world. I joined LDS singles and LDS link-up online. So far... yuck- not my thing. I'm not a big computer fan to begin with and combine dating or the attempts thereon-- uggg!! I'm thinking this is not a viable way for me to meet men. I know it works for a lot of people- but I'm thinking it's a no go for me.
Life is interesting- and that pretty says it all.

Ah Ha

I had an Ah Ha moment today in church- I just love those. We were discussing the challenges the Saints faced during the beginning of the restoration of the gospel. So many of the stories from that time period are heart wrenching. As I was pondering their plight and their faith I kept thinking -I know that God is all powerful and able protect his people and prevent any or all of these tragedies. All the books of scripture are filled with miracles when God delivered and saved His people-truly He is able. But... He did not. I am sure He was standing near, watching, and even protecting more than we will ever know. But yet they suffered so! He surely knew something we do not. He had to know that everything would not only be okay- but be for the greatest good possible. The ah ha moment came when I applied that to my own life. A lesson I have learned before- but not quite so powerfully. God is capable of fixing all my woes right now- He is even standing so close that I might feel or hear His breath. But the fact that my trials continue on means that everything is okay. I am strong enough to endure and overcome- if not He will fill in the gap whether or not I'm aware of it- and it is for my greatest good. Am I making any sense? I can "rest" in my troubles because I know God is able to save and if He chooses not to then, no worries, because if it were necessary He would. This is when I feel like a good "Praise the Lord, Praise Jesus!" is needed.

Adios Stewart Rehab!

End of the road! It was surreal walking out of work today. I remember the days work felt like a prisonand I had a life sentance. With my chains taken off I was hesitant to take the steps of freedom laid before me. Is it okay, is this right? Am I really free? I truly will miss the people I have worked with that has always been the gem along with many of my patients. I have great memories. I truly felt the love my co-workers have for me and their sincerity in their faces including a few tears when they said I would be missed. It is a really good feeling to know you have been a positive influence and been a positive part of others lives. But any second guessing about my decision was answered in a single glance outside- white swirling snow in yet another Ogden blizzard I was about to drive home in. It was as if the heavens were sending its witness- a confirmation to get out and don't look back!

A few pictures of most of my co-workers and the roommate celebratory dinner at Sawadee! Dinner was the best part of the whole day. I was over the goodbyes and ready to rejoice! And how can I not have fun with my girls?! It had been a long time since we all went out together and it was sooo good!

Boyd Eastman, Heather McOmber, Marie Perkins, Tamika Hardy, Jason Loveless, Alan Keller, Cheryl Wheelwright, Rose, Tres Ferrin



JoAnn Ynsdyal, Heather McOmber, Tim Semideni

Jennifer Kimball, Heather McOmber

Heather McOmber, Jody Wong

Tamika is going to kill me for this picture! I snapped it while she was talking...

Do I deserve this? Yes, yes I do!!! I feel like I just got away with something great and I don't care if I get caught.

Emily had fun with my camera- the gong at Sawadee

Apparently Emily needed a picture of our empty rice bowl. Things are frequently empty when we eat at Sawadee.

Looky, looky- it's all of us! Except Emily felt a need to have a tomato grin so after a little chastisement we tried again =).

All of us take 2! Anya Bybee, Emily Utt, Heather McOmber, Kristin Yee

And tomorrow I am off to Southern Utah for some spring time camping! Complete with Indian carvings and family. All this goodness makes me feel like singing! (Dancing is just a given...)

Friends

where would we be without the gems in our life?
true gems are true people
ones that inspire you higher, holier, and happier

isolation is misery
the best investment we can make in life is in others
it is the first place to start to split the sky in two

thank you to all the gems in my life
each a different color, cut and carat- isn't that the best part!
all worth more than the whole earth

I am rich
I am rich because of others- who needs money?
it cannot buy any of the sources of true joy

my treasure chest is full
but because love is endless, infinite, there is limitless space
will you join us?